Ways by which people with anxious attachment seek safety

From hypervigilance to jealousy and accusations, here are a few ways by which people with anxious attachment seek safety in a relationship.

In relationships, people can have different styles of attachments. While some have anxious attachment style, some have avoidant style of attachment. It is very important to know the attachment style that we have and that the partner has in order to find common ground. The attachment style determines the health of the relationship and the connection shared with the partner. People with anxious attachment constantly seek reassurance and safety in a relationship, while people with avoidant attachment have a difficult time being vulnerable and expressing their emotions. Therapist Rikki Cloos addressed this and spoke of the ways by which a person with anxious attachment seeks safety in a relationship.

Ways by which people with anxious attachment seek safety

Over-dependence on partners: People with anxious attachment are extremely dependent on their partners. Be it for reassurance or a sense of safety, they rely on their partners. However, this can create an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship as well. In order to break free. They should plan for projects or activities that they need to indulge in, alone.

Jealousy and accusations: People with anxious attachment are constantly worried that their partner will leave them for someone else. Hence, they are always suspicious of their friends, family and anyone who is close to them. Instead of trying to control a person, they should understand that space is important in a healthy relationship.

Being overly demanding: They are also overly demanding in nature. They constantly seek the attention and affection of their partner and are not able to stay alone comfortably in their presence. When the needs are not met, they show explosive behavior.

Constantly seeking reassurance: they constantly need to be reassured that they are loved, appreciated and valued. Without the validation of the partner, they feel meaningless and sad.

Hypervigilance: This is one of the most harmful behavior patterns in people with anxious attachment – they are constantly scanning the behavior of their partner to look out if they are disappointed or angry with them. This makes them adapt to people-pleasing behaviors.