What's the greatest threat to your marriage? Relationship coach says it 'isn't conflict'

Self-protection is one of the signs of a marriage where emotional safety doesn’t exist. Here's what the relationship coach suggested.

A strong relationship is built on understanding, trust, loyalty, and affection. While love is the foundation of a healthy marriage, the ability to navigate conflict and engage in difficult conversations is what truly holds it together. When a marriage starts to fall apart, unresolved conflicts are often blamed, but are they really the only cause?

Conflict is not the greatest threat to marriage. Instead, self-protection is.(Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash)

In a post shared on May 17, relationship coach Amanda Twiggs Johns noted that conflict is not the greatest threat to marriage. Instead, self-protection is. “Those moments when you hold back what you really feel... When you choose silence over vulnerability... When you present a censored version of yourself to keep the peace...Each one seems wise in the moment, but collectively, they're building an invisible wall between you,” she wrote.

The recipe of disconnection

“The uncomfortable truth? Every time you protect yourself from your partner, you create the very disconnection you're trying to avoid,” Amanda wrote as she explained how protecting ourselves, our thoughts and our intentions from the partner can slowly broaden the gap in a relationship.

Being safely distant from each other

“The couples who maintain passionate connection for decades aren't those who never hurt each other—they're the ones who decided being authentically imperfect together beats being safely distant,” Amanda suggested.

Signs of a marriage with emotional safety

Walls come down: When two people are emotionally safe with each other, they stop trying to grow walls around them. Instead, the walls come down naturally and they are able to connect with each other on a deeper emotional level.

Intimacy deepens: Emotional connection gives way to physical intimacy, and closeness deepens between the partners.

Magnetic connection: When emotional safety exists in a marriage, the connection with the partner feels magnetic and not forced.

Being completely real: “The most beautiful transformation happens when both partners realise that true love isn’t about perfect behaviour. It’s about creating a space where two imperfect people can be completely real,” wrote Amanda.