Why it's difficult to get over someone you never dated; tips to move on

Getting over someone you never 'technically' dated can be just as heartbreaking as getting over a relationship. Here's how you can move on.

Getting over a breakup is an emotionally challenging time and healing is often a slow and arduous process. However, sometimes getting over a person you had strong feelings for, but didn't really date can be equally hard. This is true especially in case of 'situationship' when your romantic bonding is undefined and commitment-free. The longer you are in this ‘situationship’, more painful the separation gets. While it isn't easy to get over this phase, especially because your near and dear ones may not support you in the same way as a breakup, trying to analyse things in a realistic way and letting go can ease the healing process. (Also read: Ways to help the partner feel safe in a relationship)

Getting over someone you never dated is best done by grounding yourself into reality and taking a hard look at who the person actually was vs what fantasies you were projecting onto them. (Freepik)

"Have you felt the specific and frustrating pain that is trying to get over someone you never dated? Take it from someone who was stuck in a 4-year situationship, nothing about getting over someone you never dated is easy, but here are some words to help," says Lauren Josephine, Dating & Relationships Author.

Josephine says getting over someone you never 'technically' dated can be just as heartbreaking as getting over a relationship, but it's understanding the 'why' that can help you move on.

Why it's difficult to get over a person you never officially dated

"The truth is you are grieving the fantasy of this person. Of course, that's hard to get over because without actually being in a relationship with them, your mind filled in the blanks and created your ideal person. It's that ideal person and that fantasy future you are grieving, not the real person. The truth is, you probably didn't get to know the person well enough to see that they are flawed and will annoy you and piss your off just like any other human," says Josephine.

How to get over this person

The relationship expert suggests that one can move on by connecting self to reality and journaling can help immensely.

"Getting over someone you never dated is best done by grounding yourself into reality and taking a hard look at who the person actually was vs what fantasies you were projecting onto them. Journaling is great for this because it allows you to see it all in plain text. Write down all of the ways they weren't meeting your needs. You know what should be at the top of the list? Them not choosing you. Because the best way to shake yourself out of the fantasy is to accept that someone not choosing you is an irreconcilable incompatibility," says the author.

Josephine says the why of their decision doesn't matter because figuring out the 'why' won't change anything. "Let go of trying to understand and instead put your energy in trying to accept," she advises.

Choose yourself

"Don't waste months or years of your life chasing a fantasy. Give yourself the gift of freedom that comes when you give up trying to make someone choose you. Letting go of that person you never dated is not easy, but it will be the start of a new chapter. A chapter in which you get to be with someone who's ready and excited to be with you right now," concludes Josephine.