Woman rejects arranged marriage proposal after man exposes a major red flag: ‘Humne mana kar di’

Man gives wrong sibling count, hides the details about his fourth sibling, showcasing a common pattern of deception via omission in arrange marriange market.

The first round of conversations in an arranged marriage usually involves a lot of chatting, introductions, and getting to know each other. But this preliminary stage can also be make-or-break, as even a single interaction can offer big insight into their personality and how they may behave in a marriage. These are essentially unconscious slip-ups that give a glimpse into underlying values.

The arranged marriage market often sees many instances of deception, which include the omission of critical information, and in this case, key family details such as the sibling count. (Picture credit: Freepik)

One such alarming pattern that has become increasingly prominent and was evident across generations in the talking stage of arranged marriages is the omission of information. Content creator Chabi Gupta's personal experience showcased this common pattern seen in marriage's talking stages. In a viral Instagram post on January 28, which amassed over 87.1k likes, Chabi was seen narrating the ordeal to her mother, Anita, over a video call. When asked how the talking stage is going, she went on to explain how a seemingly ‘normal’ interaction quickly went downhill as one single slip-up revealed the man's red flag, leading Chabi to turn down the proposal.

What did the man hide?

Chabi said in the video, “Usse baat kar rahe the, hua hoga matlab 4 baar phonecall mein usse baat- phir uske baad uski behen ka call aaya - to na wo hamko pehle bola tha na, ki uske 3 bhai-behen hai wo log milke- 2 behen 1 bhai, fir ham uski behen se aise hi normal pooch rahe the - toh baki log kaise hai, to woh boli haan hamlong sab thik hai- hamlong 4 bhai-behen hai.” [We spoke on the phone about four times. Then his sister called. Earlier, he had told me he had three siblings — two sisters and one brother. So I casually asked his sister how everyone at home is doing, and she said, ‘We are four siblings.’]

The initial getting-to-know-you chats cast a shadow of doubt when the man and his sibling ended up sharing contradictory information. This mismatch was a clear red flag and raised suspicion. While it may seem like a small inconsistency, it is important to pay attention to such details. The man initially said he had three siblings, but left out mentioning the fourth, which only came to light through his sister. What makes this more concerning is not just the discrepancy, but the complete lack of acknowledgement of a family member altogether.

Let's see why he hid it:

Chabi continued, "Ham bole 4? Ham bole ki, homko to ladka bola 3 hi hap, aap log- toh bolti hai na, 2 minute na ekdam shaant ho gayi- to boli na arree woo ek behen hamlog ki thori special hai wo paralysed hai actually- toh shayad uske bare mein nahi bola hoga sochke ki haina yeh baat kat na jaye- aur yeh toh apni behen ko mention hi nahi kiya. Ham bole ki kal ko gye hamko kuch ho gaya tab to sabko bolega meri ek bhi wife nai hai? Haan toh mana kar di." [Four? He told me there are only three of you.’ She went quiet for a moment and then said, ‘Oh… one of our sisters is special, she is paralysed actually. Maybe he didn’t mention her, thinking it might affect the proposal.’ But he didn’t even acknowledge his own sister. I thought, what if tomorrow something happens to me, will he say he doesn’t even have a wife? So I refused.”]

The man ended up ‘omitting’ his own sister entirely. It shows a lack of empathy and acceptability towards disability, which is a major problem in itself, but the larger issue, especially in terms of marriage, is beyond that.

Just like how Chabi pointed out, if something is wrong or does not fit the preferred image, he may choose to omit it in order to maintain a pristine facade. She worried that if she were ever unwell, instead of being empathised with, she too might be erased or concealed. It also depicts the lack of emotional development, where ‘self-image’ takes precedence over basic human empathy.

How netizens reacted

The comment section was flooded with praise, especially for her mother, who supported her daughter without question. One user wrote, “Thank God, your mom is so understanding," while another added, “Understanding mothers raise emotionally intelligent children.” This comment is especially insightful as it shows how parenting can mould the child's ability to understand not only their emotions but also quickly read people too.

Some comments also showed broader frustrations with the arranged marriage setup. “If arranged marriages were not there, 98% of men would’ve died single,” one user commented, implying how arrange marriage market is full of men low on emotional intelligence, who otherwise wouldn't have been able to find a partner by themselves.

Another comment, although a bit exaggerated, questioned the man's credibility, wondering what other things he withheld, "Who knows he has a wife somewhere he did not tell you?!”

Transparency is critical for any relationship, and while one may think certain white lies are acceptable, from a wider perspective, they can erode trust.