Inside a male mind...
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Inside a male mind...

For once, the alpha male zone steps over to the other side. Call it a journey of self discovery, but these are some things about the Alpha male. Decode your 'macho' male here…

sex and relationships Updated: Jun 13, 2009 17:47 IST

There is no easier way to put it. Men are ruthless, cruel, cold blooded beings and are totally unashamed to admit it. But then that is exactly what is charming about them!

But still, there is no compromise when it comes to protecting their manliness. If he says that the last girl cried her eyes out when he turned her down, it may well mean she didn’t even give him a second look, but what makes it so hard to know? And why ever would you want to follow it up?

For once, Element X – the alpha male zone steps over to the other side. Call it a journey of self discovery, but these are the things you (or even we, to be fair to my fellow men) say when you feel their macho image is at stake. Allow us to investigate the mind of the painstakingly macho male…

I'm only having one drink tonight, boys!
The basic problem here is in science. Men are genetically incapable of stopping themselves after a single drink. One peg a day sounds fair, but not when followed up with a pint or two. And then the innate machismo kicks in and so does the complete lack of reason. And for married men, it’s worse. The friends just can’t resist a jibe, accusing him of being scared of the missus. See, it’s not our fault after all!

It's not your fault, I’m just not ready
This is perhaps the biggest lie ever uttered by man. Whatever happens in a relationship, men are always confident it is the woman’s fault. The truth is - it is indeed you but I don't want to hurt your feelings. And that is only because I could well be going after your best friend next and don’t want her to have a bad opinion of me.

Of course, Sholay is the director’s masterpiece. This doesn't particularly apply to Sholay, but any movie that may comes up during the ‘intellectual‘ discussions that come up during parties where a bunch of guys are trying to show off to the solitary girl of interest! Truth is, the guy may not even have seen the movie, and he declines to name the director for the sole reason that he has no clue who it is.

Sure, we’ll go out for drinks someday before you leave
Having accidentally bumped into an old ‘friend’ who was in town for a couple of days, the man simply needs an excuse. If at all he gets no worthwhile excuse, he will be hoping against hope that the ‘friend’ pays. But give men some credit, this is not usually because of the money factor, just the principle.

Your girlfriend is really pretty
This can mean two diametrically opposite things. If the compliment seems artificial, it probably is. He is probably saying, “Of course, you need someone too. Good luck, hope you have fun with her, coz I certainly wouldn’t want to”. The other possibility, which arises if the girlfriend really is pretty, would be “Wow! What the hell is she doing with an idiot like you? Does she know I am single?”

I'm just taking some time to rethink my career choices
Don’t ask me why I quit my job! I was totally fed up with the office and the manager had the nerve to tell me he realized I wasn’t as good as my resume promised I was. I am just waiting to find my niche. I know I was meant for bigger things than this puny job.

Of course I trust you. Why would I listen to you if I didn’t?
The simple truth: I know you are a liar and I am pretending to listen to you only because you got me cornered. Plus, I need a couple of favours from you, so you’d better fast forward to the end of your confession so I can say “It’s ok, don’t worry” and get it over with.

I have nothing against him personally, but I feel I must say this…
This is often a very effective form of kicking an opponent when he’s down. Contrary what is actually said, what it really means is “I hate that ****** so much I can’t describe how happy I am he is in trouble now. Now that he is already down let me take out some old dirt I have on him and complete the maligning.”

She’s just a friend. Nothing else
The piece-de-resistance! This is most often the truth, but not always because the man wants it to be so. It usually means, “She simply won’t accept my proposals and says she wants me as a brother. Help!”

Women pride themselves on being looked upon as an enigma. The human male is no less a fascinating creation, if only for the sheer brazenness. But then again, my fellow men, make sure your girlfriend/wife does not chance upon this piece. For then, she may well hold the keys to more doors than you may care to open for them.

First Published: Jun 13, 2009 16:45 IST