Indian-origin techie reflects on life after 30 years in Europe: ‘My biggest regret is…’
An Indian-origin techie's post on loneliness after 30 years in Europe has sparked a discussion on workplace friendships.
A Reddit post by an Indian-origin IT professional reflecting on 3 decades of working in Europe has struck a chord with users across countries, prompting a discussion on loneliness, transactional relationships and the nature of workplace friendships.
In the post, titled “Three decades in IT in Europe left me with a void”, the 59-year-old techie shared that he spent his entire professional life in The Netherlands, building a successful career across roles ranging from programmer and architect to senior management in large banks. Over the years, he worked with 15 employers.
“This gave me exposure to numerous people in several countries, working in technical, sales, finance, and marketing roles. My net worth is about 4 million USD, and I am debt-free, comfortably living in Europe with an EU nationality,” he wrote.
However, the techie said that his biggest regret is the absence of lasting personal relationships from his professional life. “It is not that I did not put any effort into it. On the contrary, I invested a lot in building relationships. Yet, I learnt that a working relationship lasts only as long as the work lasts,” he wrote, adding that former colleagues rarely respond to emails or messages once he leaves a company.
The techie recalled off-sites, shared holidays, dinners at home and celebrations that made colleagues feel like family. “Yet, the very same people turned into strangers once the working relationship was over,” he said.
{{/usCountry}}The techie recalled off-sites, shared holidays, dinners at home and celebrations that made colleagues feel like family. “Yet, the very same people turned into strangers once the working relationship was over,” he said.
{{/usCountry}}The techie also described Dutch workplace culture as outwardly warm. “In the Netherlands, colleagues behaved exceedingly friendly during company drinks, sharing stories about their kids and pets, and even about their first encounters with their girlfriends,” he wrote. However, he said that the warmth was “superficial” because afterwards the same people turned icy cold, refusing to even pick up calls.
{{/usCountry}}The techie also described Dutch workplace culture as outwardly warm. “In the Netherlands, colleagues behaved exceedingly friendly during company drinks, sharing stories about their kids and pets, and even about their first encounters with their girlfriends,” he wrote. However, he said that the warmth was “superficial” because afterwards the same people turned icy cold, refusing to even pick up calls.
{{/usCountry}}Unsure whether this was the natural course of professional life or a European cultural trait, the techie said the emotional void remained despite career success. “I feel that even after achieving so much financially and career-wise, I am left with a void that will be impossible to fill,” he concluded.
Social media reactions
The post drew several reactions, many echoing similar experiences.
One user wrote, “This has happened to me with Indians too. I don't think this is to do with Europeans. Life has become busy and transactional. Desis whose kids I babysat have ghosted me. Most people are struggling and have no time for friends, even in India. Many are the sandwich generation: looking after kids and parents. I have learned to enjoy my own company.”
“I live in sweden, feels like that is how life is in europe even for europeans. Mostly they have friends since school times and then they stop making friends. I think in general hard to make friends in India after 30s. So its mostly family and hobbies,” commented another.
“i’m in netherlands for 15 years now in the IT field and i absolutely relate to your stories. i used to think of colleagues as friends but i realised that they are just work colleagues. the moment i moved out of the account all relationships stopped immediately,” wrote a third user.
“My friend its not just the cold Europeans. It has been the same with me in India. I moved to Canada after 10 yrs of professional life in India where i had a traveling job. Me and my colleagues traveled together all the time and friendships deepen when we do. I feel lonely here n often reach out to them but it seems they have moved on. Its just a part of life i guess, nothing to do with Netherland,” shared one user.
(Disclaimer: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.)
