Director: Tim Miller
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, Ed Skrein, Gina Carano, TJ Miller, Brianna Hildebrand, Stefan Kapičić
So you’re here to read a Deadpool movie review, yes? Well, you must be here to read a Deadpool movie review because unless you’ve lost your way and found yourself falling down one of those online rabbit holes, why else would be reading this potentially pointless review, am I right? As some of you may already know, Deadpool is a gleefully self-referential, fourth wall-breaking nonconformist ‘superhero’. And, as you’ll soon find out, some of that Deadpoolian spirit may have rubbed off a teensy-weensy bit here. That’s just the kind of movie Deadpool is. And that’s the kind of review this is going to be.
So now that we’ve established that you, dear reader, are not here by mistake let’s get this review going. Oh, and by the way, I’m still not entirely convinced that you came here on purpose, but if you did, then you deserve first class treatment and a mediocre movie review at the very least so that’s what you’re going to get dammit. Kindly ignore those annoying pop ups trying to get you to insure the lives of you and your family. Pay no attention to them, they’ll go away.
So now that we’ve entered the third paragraph, you’ll probably be wondering, “Hey, what is this Deadpool movie all about?” Well isn’t this your lucky day, you sir/ma’am with the great taste, because that’s exactly what you’re going to find out.
So there’s this low-life mercenary named Wade Wilson right, and he gets diagnosed with cancer, which is a bummer for him and his pretty girlfriend. Especially since that cancer I just mentioned, it’s pretty much in its final stages. But then, out of the shadows steps a shadowy creep of a character who promises Wade a way out. He takes Wade to a discount Jason Statham who performs evil experiments on him like some messed up Doctor Frankenstein and literally forces Wade into becoming a mutant, melting his body and face in the process. And boy, is Wade Wilson pissed. And who can blame him? He looked an awful lot like Ryan Reynolds before and now he looks like a Madame Tussaud’s wax figure of Ryan Reynolds made by a blind monkey high on some of those Wolf of Wall Street quaaludes. But even if his ugly mug wasn’t enough motivation for him to seek revenge on gender neutral Jason Statham, the kidnapping of his girl surely was. So here we go.
Ok, so I know I cheated back there. I promised an outline of the plot in the third paragraph but gave you one in the fourth, a horrific break of protocol some of you eagle-eyed readers have no doubt noticed. But it’s this movie, man. It really rubs off on you because while it sticks like a gluey white substance to superhero movie clichés, it treats those very clichés with its own unique brew of insane depravity and in the process, carves itself a giant, bloody and perverted niche. Cult status, you ask? Hell yes.
Deadpool is fantastic. Don’t lie now; you’ve been sneakily watching those NSFW trailers on a loop and loving it. The marketing for this movie has been otherworldly good. And as a result, the expectations were sky-high. Well, there’s some good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first? Good news? Ok. So the movie lives up to the amazing marketing. That’s the good news. The bad news is that it sustains that tremendous quality for almost exactly an hour. The rest of it isn’t bad, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not as good as that first hour. And no kidding, I’m tempted to say that the best part of the film was its opening credits but I understand that would be mean to the rest of the movie. That being said, please leave home on time because those opening credits are worth the price of admission alone.
Most of you will remember Kick Ass, that great deconstruction of the superhero genre where a mopey comic book nerd wonders what it would be like to be a superhero and then foolishly decides to squeeze himself into tight green spandex? Some of you might even be fans of Chronicle or Super or Unbreakable. Like those great meta movies, Deadpool too is an expert on its genre. But it senses the audience’s growing exasperation with all the relentlessly grim, realistic superheroes with crippling psyches flooding our screens and seems to have found the perfect solution. It looks the clichés right in the eye, brings them in for a warm bear hug, and slyly sinks a katana in their unsuspecting backs.
The biggest achievement of Deadpool has to be the fact that it literally revives a genre that seems to be hitting saturation point. With Guardians of the Galaxy, this, and the upcoming Suicide Squad, we can be sure of one thing: No villain is going to beat this genre anytime soon. Like the comics on which these characters are based, the movies too will keep evolving.
Wow, this review has been going on for a while hasn’t it? And I haven’t even mentioned the fantastic cast, led by the magnificent Ryan Reynolds, who never gave up on this movie in all the years Fox said no. And don’t forget Tim Miller, who has made a remarkable directorial debut here. Also, writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, the guys behind Zombieland, another movie that toyed with the conventions of its genre. And while we’re at it, why don’t you pat yourselves on the back too because this movie was basically willed into existence by the Internet. And while it isn’t as grand and effects-heavy as some of the X-Men movies with which it shares a universe (the final showdown takes place in a grey junkyard and involves 5 people), it’s still a movie with heart, humour and a central character who isn’t afraid to diss Wolverine or his own godawful cinematic debut for that matter.
So congratulations, you stuck through, resisted the urge to go look at pictures of Gina Carano instead, and have almost reached the end of this rambling speech on a movie about a costumed madman with verbal diarrhea. It’s the last paragraph and this is where phrases like ‘one-time watch’ and ‘great entertainer’ usually make an appearance. Well, I detest those phrases but I realise how useless words are, no matter how nuanced, in the face of a nice juicy star rating. So without further ado, I reveal the rating you’ve all been waiting for. Here it is. Ready? 3.5. Oh wait, you saw it up top didn’t you?
Watch Deadpool trailer
PS: Hey, so you’re still reading are you? Hope you didn’t get too bored. But the review’s over now. You can go back to your creepy YouTube videos. Wait, were you expecting a post-credits scene? This day just keeps getting better and better doesn’t it? Yes, there’s a great one at the end. And you’ll only fully appreciate the levels of meta going on here once you’ve seen the movie. I’ll wait. Maybe I’ll fantasize about a Deadpool vs Pahlaj Nihalani fight in the meantime.