How the Mumbai Monorail compares to the London Tube and the Paris and Brussels Metros, by someone who’s tested them all and lived to tell the tale.
Home: Familiar trilingual announcement lady makes you feel at home
Away: Stern French and English instructions make you feel nothing at all
Home: Brave bumpy ride, worry about landing in a saltpan below
Away: Ride smooth enough to retouch your mascara with no injuries

Home: Kindly uncle helps you put token in the machine
Away: French guy offers to buy you 10 season tickets, runs away after giving you one
Home: Shout ‘Ganpati Bappa Moriya’ with everyone at every successful turn
Away: Mind your own business all the way
Home: Rush in when train arrives amid ‘puch-puch, excuse me’ sounds
Away: Enter and alight with minimal bodily contact, hear Coldplay on many iPods
Home: Watch women frantically look for ladies compartment
Away: Fend off demands for phone number from curious local men
From HT Brunch, February 9
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