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Speaking of airplanes

What would happen if our Airplane companies were spoken of as human beings? This mind blowing anthropomorphized conversation sheds light on the cloudy nature of Indian skies. The Fake Jhunjhunwala writes.

brunch Updated: May 18, 2012 17:04 IST
The Fake Jhunjhunwala
The Fake Jhunjhunwala
Hindustan Times

What would happen if our Airplane companies were spoken of as human beings? This mind blowing anthropomorphized conversation sheds light on the cloudy nature of Indian skies.

"India's Aviation Minister: What's going on with our flyboys?

Aviation Secretary: It's not cool Sirji! All of them are d**kheads of the first order. Ek se bhi kaam theek se nahin hota!

Minister: Eh! WTF are you talking about? We are the world's second most populated nation with a huge airspace. What do you mean kaam theek se nahin hota?!!!

Secretary: Sir each of these flying fellows has a huge attitude problem! Take for example Spicejet. He's got a reputation of being rude to passengers. He doesn't answer questions properly, keeps people waiting in line and is generally a douche bag!

Minister: What about indigo? She's very punctual

Secretary: I know Sir! She's always on time but she's too small. She's simply unable to travel to the length and breadth of this country. She's working out in the gym to get bigger and stronger but at this time she does not have the stamina to travel extensively across India and abroad. Hmm.Then what about Air India? He has the stamina to go all across India and the world and he's huge + he's super experienced!

Secretary: Sir! Naam mat lijiye uss shaitaan ka.That bloody fellow can't work 2 days without going on strike. He goes on strike for every damn thing!! He keeps fighting all the time with his bosses, has a huge chip on his shoulder and he's always grumpy and in a bad mood. He is stubborn as hell, refuses to change and if you say anything to him he'll go on strike!

Minister: Well at least there's Kingfisher!

Secretary: No Sir! He's even worse than Air India. I mean when he started he was so full of promise. He was on time, took care of his customers, gave them free headphones and pens and stuff but he failed to realize that you must only bite enough to chew. Bite off more than you can chew and you end up puking everywhere. He simply lost focus. He had too many hot girlfriends and was more interested in them than flying. His boss was ready at hand to give him free booze and while the boss was busy racing F1 cars and watching IPL matches, he started to lose money .one day he realized he was flat broke and started begging us for bailout money. He can't be trusted Sir! Character totally dheela hai uska.

Minister: What about Jet?

Secretary: He seems to be the only one who's doing ok but even he has issues.For one he's always complaining that the cost of fuel is high and he keeps making his customers pay with a Hundred million charges and surcharges! Moreover only God knows when his boss Goyal will fire him. I mean he's still recovering from the time a few years back when he was terminated all of a sudden and was only taken back after a huge outcry.

Minister: Well then what do we do? All the flyboys are screwed up! What the hell do we do?

Secretary: Well there's one thing we can do Sir.

Minister: What is it? Tell me! Tell me now!

Secretary: Sir the best way to fly is to drink Red Bull. Red bull gives you wings. With enough Red Bull we can all fly ourselves! Why depend on these guys?

Minister: What an idea Sirji!

Secretary: Thank you Sirji!"

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

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First Published: May 18, 2012 16:26 IST