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Techilicious by Rajiv Makhni: The many pitfalls of social media
Here’s a longer list of disasters that go beyond Instagram and extend to all platforms
I’m overwhelmed and thrilled with the response my column Instagram Disasters got. Close friends are offended, work colleagues don’t take my calls anymore and a whole lot of you flamed me publicly on social media. While I wasn’t actually calling you an Instagram disaster directly, most of you took it that way. Many pointed out that a specific portion of that column was directly defamatory to what they do (and the irony of that was completely lost on them). In the interest of taking this wonderful new relationship forward – I’ve decided to do a follow-up. And I’ve cast my net wider this time. All kinds of social media disasters.
Oversharing new parents
Love your baby. I really do. Have loved that little thing since you put out that first fuzzy little ultrasound picture where I couldn’t see a thing. It’s now the size of a marble. Whoopie! And now a whole orange. Yayyy. But now that cute little critter is out and in this world, do we really need the first poop and pee and feed and drool photos coming in 55 times a day.I would get it if this was your first baby, but come on! You have one that is 11 years old and three more before this one. Stop the TMI!
FuzzyBook
Deliberately vague posts that scream for attention. To post a cryptic “Is this all life is about?” or a “Why Me?” or just a “Arghhhh” and the ever classic post that has just “???”. You obviously want everyone to digitally gather around you and ask what happened. And when we do ask, then you reply with a “I don’t really want to get into it”. If it’s that private, why post it in the first place? Arghhh is right! Stop vaguebooking and get some depth into what you share with the world.
The Humblebrag
I would rather eat a live can of worms everyday than to read one more Humblebrag. The subtle art of putting yourself down but hidden within is a big fat brag. ‘Rolled out of bed, no make-up and still got hit on by so many men. “Ridiculous”, or “I think I need to start a questionnaire. How could I have got into Stanford. I thought they had standards” or “Just saw my interview on TV.
Didn’t realise I have such a low voice” or “Wonder if Twitter works in Maldives, Singapore and Paris. Oh well, it’s just 15 days out for me”. And this last one from an actual friend. “Priyanka Chopra and I both don’t understand Bitcoin. Spent the last 10 minutes giggling together about it”. Oh Please!
Birthday fanology
This one gets divided into two. And both stink. First, all the people that post an Instagram or Facebook picture wishing their “bestest friend and rockstar”. The picture will usually be of the two of them together but sometimes it is a carefully-constructed album of together pictures with hearts and kisses and photo frames and poems and stuff. If you have to wish someone on their birthday, pick up the phone and call them. Why this elaborate charade constructed publicly? But the corollary is even worse. When the person being wished then dutifully compiles all the posts and collectively posts them on their Instagram stories – as proof that so many people love them and how special they are. Dude, you shouldn’t be allowed to have a birthday. You should never have been born!
The Skinny arm subterfuge
Sshhh. Let me tell you a secret. If you put one hand on your hip, bend one knee, lean onto that side and get a photo taken from one side – you look really slim and lean. The problem? Everyone and his 70-year-old uncle knows that now. All you’re doing is posing like that in all your pictures looking like a right prat and everyone knows you’re just trying to look skinny. Nothing looks worse, not even the sucked-in cheek pout.
And more....
I have many more. Sickeningly private romantic posts between two people posted publicly, people who create a month long event build-up and post pictures everyday from that, exercise/diet/workout bragging, food shots from every morsel you ever eat, horrendously cliched holiday posts (and a lot of them), “I’m blessed” posts including “I have the best mom/dad/bf/husband/brother” and nostalgia posts like “5 years ago I married my best friend”. Stop. Stop. Stop.
On that optimistic note, it’s time to say goodbye. Next column. All the new stuff Apple launched. It’s all with me. Wonder why they only give it to me? Wonder if that sounds like a Humblebrag? Arghhhh!
Rajiv Makhni is managing editor, Technology, NDTV, and the anchor of Gadget Guru, Cell Guru and Newsnet 3
Techilicious appears every fortnight
From HT Brunch, September 15, 2019
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