Why so angry?

With tempers flaring easily in most workplaces, what can you do to stay calm when you really want to blow up?

Speak when you’re angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Do these words by American journalist-satirist Ambrose Bierce resonate with you, too? When you are angry, it is tough to judge between right and wrong. And at emotionally-fraught workplaces, it’s easy to lose your cool and lash out at co-workers. However, it never leads to anything positive. Either your relationship with that person sours forever or there’s a permanent stagnancy between the two of you.

Some situations call for a good loud scream. But that’s hardly practical. Let the experts tell you how you to react with civility and professionalism, when all you want to do is roar the place down.Situation#1: when a co-worker refuses to cooperate

This happens often. You want your colleague to perhaps read the draft you’ve prepared, or maybe you want them to fill in for you because you filled in for them last time they asked. But you’re shocked when your colleague refuses outright.



The immediate reaction: Unless you’re the epitome of patience, you’ll be irritated. "The typical human psyche will first turn to irritability and, for those who are slightly volatile, anger," says Rachna Singh, lifestyle expert and psychologist with Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon. You could also feel helpless at times.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/Images/popup/2013/7/Office-anger.jpg

How you should react: It would be wise, perhaps, to let it go the first time it happens. Everybody has bad days, and there’s no way to predict which way their mood will swing. "The people concerned should work harder on role allocation and communicating clearly what’s required of a situation," says Tarun Chandna, founder and manager of Exper, a behavioural training organisation.



So how does one control one’s blood rushing up to the brain? "Take a few deep breaths. I know it’s difficult and might not work at first, but you need to train yourself to do this," says Singh. "Even having a glass of water helps.



Damage control: "At times, if a person is going through a tough time personally or professionally and you are aware of it, it is best to handle the situation with empathy," says Payal Mukherjee, senior

consultant with Spearhead InterSearch, an executive search firm.



What you definitely shouldn’t do: "Don’t make matters worse by immediately going to your superior or HR," says Chandna. Singh adds: "If you are screaming, don’t do it in a place where there are people around. It becomes hurtful when done in front of others."



Cubicle cool tip

"Understand that each person is a product of his or her environment. They’re not robots who’ll always behave the way you want them to," says life coach Ramon Llamba.



Situation#2: when your boss shouts at you for no fault of yours

This too, is not an uncommon incident, and could happen even outside your office. Your spouse might get angry, your parents might seem unreasonable to you, and your friend might randomly blow a fuse. At work, it’s nothing new. You slog and slog on a project, which doesn’t work out despite your best efforts. And your boss loses it.



The immediate reaction: Shock and anger. "However, if it’s a one-off incident, we let it go assuming that the boss has had a bad day or is under some sort of stress," says Mukherjee. "But if it becomes a routine, one tends to question the person’s capability of being the boss or of you wanting to work in the organisation under this person."



How you should react: As uncalled for and humiliating as your superior’s behaviour may appear, you need to stay calm. "Try to logically look at why you got screamed at. There could be a genuine reason, but whatever it seems, do not take it personally," says Singh. Life coach Ramon Llamba, who works with business executives, advocates an interesting solution popular in the West. "Called F**k It Therapy, it’s used in situations where one has no control. Just say f**k it and laugh it off. You need to move on like nothing happened," she says.



Damage control: "Allow your boss to let off some steam and later on, when you are calmer as well, let your boss know how this affected you. Say you didn’t feel good about what happened," says Chandna.



What you definitely shouldn’t do: "No matter what happens, never bitch to your colleagues about what your boss did. This will only result in unnecessary gossip and murkier office politics," advises Singh. "For all you know, it could be used against you later on," she adds.



Cubicle cool tip

Since there’s really nothing you can do about your boss’s temper, the best strategy, say experts, is to ignore the situation.



Situation#3: when you get a work-related call on a vacation

You’ve been working continuously for months and deserve a holiday. When the day finally arrives, your joy knows no bounds. Just when you begin to enjoy a single malt in the hills, you get a call from work. You need to dig some dirt for an assignment. This, when people know you’re on a vacation.



The immediate reaction: Frustration and annoyance. And understandably so. "On a vacation, you’re programmed mentally to be relaxed. It’s human to feel upset," says Llamba.



How you should react: With mobile connectivity now spreading across every corner of the globe, it’s impossible not to reach someone over the phone. And if someone can reach you, they probably will. "Vacation calls happen all the time. That’s why you need to do your homework before you leave by sending an official email and letting people know whom to get in touch with in your absence," says Chandna. However, if the call is urgent and you know only you can handle it, it’s wise to answer the call, advises Mukherjee.



How to do damage control: There’s no point in being obstinate and not answering your phone, says Singh. "And if not answering your phone leads to a goof up of sorts, own up and apologise. A simple sorry will not make you any smaller," she adds.



What you definitely shouldn’t do: Regardless of the degree of your irritation, never be rude to the person calling. It could be a genuine emergency, say experts.



Cubicle cool tip

Proper planning and handing over of your duties before hopping onto your vacation wagon is crucial.



Situation#4: when a colleague is rude or nasty to you

The first thing to do when there is a war of words between employees, is to disengage, says Suveer Bajaj, co-founder and director of HR and Operations at FoxyMoron, a digital ideas and solutions agency. "Before giving your point of view, it becomes important to listen to their side of the story. They may be in the wrong, but it becomes our prerogative to give them a chance to voice their opinion about how they have been aggrieved," he adds.



The immediate reaction: Many think the ‘an-eye-for-an-eye’ theory is apt for such a situation. "The instant reaction would entail you being rude and nasty to your colleague," says Llamba.



How you should react: "If it’s a one-off situation, it is best to talk about it at a suitable time," recommends Mukherjee. "However, if it becomes a recurring issue, take it to the higher authorities."



Damage control: If you want to rebuild bridges, just talk it out with your colleague. You’ll never reach any solution if all you do is bicker.



What you definitely shouldn’t do: Never turn around and be nasty or nastier in return, tempting as it may sound. You don’t want to be the person with a terrible temper.