All of us have cosy corners or spots that keep us both psychologically and physiologically warm, where one can sit for hours at end. It is not necessary for the cosy corner to be a place, it could also be people who recognise our inner light and reflect it back.
There is this particular spot in college where I love sitting, it not only provides a good view of the lawn and front gate, but also gets ample sunlight. Then, there are special places in the staffroom and across the college campus where I enjoy spending time with certain colleagues and friends. At times, one may find me hard at work in the office of my department. I have come to realise that different versions of me, demand different spots and different people at different times.
Recently, I was watching a podcast where it was suggested that instead of categorising people as ‘mine’ and ‘others’ one just has to belong to oneself. And, in these quiet corners one has the opportunity to truly belong to oneself. I have always found it difficult to draw lines among different groups of friends and acquaintances, and therefore find this new thought of a universal spirit where ‘I belong to myself’ liberating. So, I am trying to imbibe and apply it with gusto.
This is not to undermine the importance of close friendships, but underlines the need to be one’s authentic and genuine self. With this philosophy, it is not difficult to forge true connections with people, though they will undoubtedly be at different wavelengths, as people too are at different places as they evolve along the course of life. Some will guide and help us, others will walk along with us, yet others might just briefly touch our lives, and others might teach us something , either through pleasant experiences or unpleasant ones. Genuineness also saves us from losing our true selves just in order to fit in or ‘belong’. Also, as long as my first sense of belongingness is towards myself, I am not in a rush or over eager to fit in. Because, in any case, belonging, but not being ourselves, will eventually fuel loneliness – the very thing one was trying to escape. It will mar any real belongingness.
{{/usCountry}}This is not to undermine the importance of close friendships, but underlines the need to be one’s authentic and genuine self. With this philosophy, it is not difficult to forge true connections with people, though they will undoubtedly be at different wavelengths, as people too are at different places as they evolve along the course of life. Some will guide and help us, others will walk along with us, yet others might just briefly touch our lives, and others might teach us something , either through pleasant experiences or unpleasant ones. Genuineness also saves us from losing our true selves just in order to fit in or ‘belong’. Also, as long as my first sense of belongingness is towards myself, I am not in a rush or over eager to fit in. Because, in any case, belonging, but not being ourselves, will eventually fuel loneliness – the very thing one was trying to escape. It will mar any real belongingness.
{{/usCountry}}This, however, is easier, said than done. There can be a plethora of events and/or people that trigger our negative selves. Being kind and polite can always help when struggling with authenticity, because there are times when we feel like blurting out our most impulsive and raw thoughts. But, taking a pause and considering others’ viewpoint and putting ourselves in their shoes can altogether change our perspectives and result in better refined, mature and open-minded responses.
When we are truly ourselves, our people will automatically gravitate towards us. But, for that one must be social, go to the park, smile at strangers, volunteer for a cause, take a dance or painting class. Making ourselves visible is the trick, and lets not forget to enjoy the process.
My parting thought is that allowing ourselves to be at least a little vulnerable is often underrated. I once read that real is more attractive than perfect. Do not be invincible. Let people touch your heart, let them make a difference in your life. It brings colour and texture to an otherwise dry and forlorn existence.
reemaban@gmail.com
(The author is an assistant professor of psychology at Rajiv Gandhi Government College, Saha)