Spice of Life| On quest to find a purpose for this beautiful existence

All of a sudden, a number of things have changed in my person, things that I’m at a loss to label as positive or negative, heartening or dismal. If you met me a year ago, you would have seen me hard at work, furiously tapping out an article a month for this column or at the very least hounding whoever came my way for an idea or a topic to write the next one on.

Salutations from under a big rock! I crawled out warily, brushing the cobwebs of a hiatus that has been abnormally long. As happenstance goes, the disappearance was not deliberate or self-imposed but just happened nonetheless.

This change in my character and in the way of life obviously can be attributed to getting older but I hope wisdom and a new awareness will be accepted to be playing a part and get its due, too. (Shutterstock)

All of a sudden, a number of things have changed in my person, things that I’m at a loss to label as positive or negative, heartening or dismal. If you met me a year ago, you would have seen me hard at work, furiously tapping out an article a month for this column or at the very least hounding whoever came my way for an idea or a topic to write the next one on.

Unconsciously, I had made myself a solemn promise to send in one piece monthly and had been doing so meticulously since 2012 till this unexpected delinquence stubbornly set in, just this year. Try as I would, some willful streak, not under my control, refused to set pen to paper or actually, finger to laptop keys and strangely this ‘New Me’ has taken this adversity in her stride, with no lamentations or self-flagellation for sloth and guilt.

Every passing year adds scores of silver to my hair and new wrinkles and lines to the face but oddly I no longer wince on passing the mirror. I’m trying to come to terms with this new countenance that peers back at me and I know we are getting to be friends.

I often find myself searching for a quiet corner in the house where I can sit unobtrusively and do absolutely nothing for a while. I have come to savour those peaceful moments when my mind floats freely with complete detachment from any thoughts or pressing engagements.

This change in my character and in the way of life obviously can be attributed to getting older but I hope wisdom and a new awareness will be accepted to be playing a part and get its due, too. This not searching for validation, this peaceful state, this acceptance of a new order is not arrogance or disdain. This voluntary withdrawal, this mindfulness, this quiet liberty from self-reproach is not a discreet show of ego.

This is me on a quest to find a purpose, a reason, a motive for this beautiful and singular existence bestowed by that Nameless Power and Benefactor. This is me not going back into self-imposed exile but moving forward with a newfound freedom and love for life.

The writer is a Jalandhar-based freelance contributor and can be reached at pallavisingh358@gmail.com.