Knit to keep fit. Knitting is the new yoga. Knitting is back in fashion, although auntyjis will say it never went away. Sarah Jessica Parker has been spotted knitting. Julia Roberts, Uma Thurman, Cameron Diaz and Madonna are into it, too. Anyone who is anyone is currently doing a knit one, purl one.
Knitting is the perfect cure for a number of ills. For instance, the papers say that Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee may have parted their ways, but the pair still finds it difficult to resist making love when the two meet, which is the reason why she has barred him from attending a family gathering this Christmas (do we really need to know this?). I wonder if they considered knitting as soon as they set eyes on each other. Knitting calms the mind and keeps it cool. Besides, the sight of those knitting needles is punishing for any man, sending him off to sit firmly by the fireplace or under the tree instead, to contemplate. A man's only worry apart from the Christmas light bulbs that need replacing should be that he might receive hand-knitted long thermals that are a perfect fit for King Kong.
Companies are being cautioned over Christmas party faux pas this Christmas. Employment and safety advice for businesses has outlined rules for this year's bashes to prevent drunken brawls, festive flirting accidents and incidents of sexual harassment. But why not avoid problems altogether by having a knitting party instead? After all, the Christmas party is technically still "work".
Look at it this way: knitting requires a stable chair. Drunken dancing on tabletops is automatically ruled out. No slips and trips on the carpet, either. There's no need for life partners and husbands and wives to worry about the behaviour of their loved ones at the party. When the mice are away, they will knot to play. Why worry over a group placidly knitting to Silent Night ? In any case, a quick jab with the knitting needles into anatomically sensitive parts will take care of any inappropriate behaviour.
It is a feat of jugglery to hold a glass and knit, too. Knitting involves two hands. It will therefore be an alcohol-free zone all night. There will be no risk of finger-food poisoning from eggs and mayonnaise and cooked meats, either. Food doesn't match the wool. It will also be too much of an effort to stand up to stand under the mistletoe when it feels so good to simply sit and knit. Ergo, no guilty repercussions the next day.
{{/usCountry}}It is a feat of jugglery to hold a glass and knit, too. Knitting involves two hands. It will therefore be an alcohol-free zone all night. There will be no risk of finger-food poisoning from eggs and mayonnaise and cooked meats, either. Food doesn't match the wool. It will also be too much of an effort to stand up to stand under the mistletoe when it feels so good to simply sit and knit. Ergo, no guilty repercussions the next day.
{{/usCountry}}As for going home from the party, the only danger is if you knit and drive.
(Saumya Balsari is the author of the comic novel 'The Cambridge Curry Club', and wrote a play for Kali Theatre Company's Futures last year. She has worked as a freelance journalist in London, and is currently writing a second novel.)