Contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day, for most, is not about the celebration of love. It is not about choosing the best necklace or buying expensive chocolate.
It is not about candle-lit dinners and romantic evenings. Like Sharon Fernandes, 27, PR executive says, “Valentine’s Day scares me!”
Bust the myth: According to clinical psychologist Dr Varkha Chulani, the most important thing to do on Valentine’s Day is bust the myth around it.
“The aura that surrounds Valentine’s Day spells trouble. We need to realise that chocolates and roses once a year do not work,” she says. What works, though, is working on a relationship throughout the year.
Communication is the key ingredient in any successful relations. It is important for couples to talk about both the big and small things in their lives, throughout the year.
Any given Sunday Valentine’s Day should be celebrated as the day that makes you remember the romance.
“Any relationship requires hard work,” says Chulani. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, right?
Small fights, before they snow ball into something big, can be resolved easily in an otherwise romantic environment.
Like fashion designer Parul Bhargava says: “Even after my last relationship was over, the romance was still there — in a harmless sort of way that eased out the pain”.
You and me should not get lost in a ‘we’ One of the biggest reasons behind unhappy relationships is the ‘coupling’ factor. Individuals, sometimes unknowingly, lose their singular identities as a couple.
Couples mutually do better if they maintain their individualities.
Differences balance out the intimacy. “My wife and I lead hectic, and very different lives. We even have different social circles.
So, the only time we spend together is alone and we value it a lot,” says Mikhail Vaswani, 31, an executive producer.
{{/usCountry}}So, the only time we spend together is alone and we value it a lot,” says Mikhail Vaswani, 31, an executive producer.
{{/usCountry}}Love is not a noble cause The best thing that you can do for love is to strip it off its super romantic cape. Love needs to be ‘shorn’ off and seen in more realistic terms.
Your relationship needs to satisfy some needs.
You should not fall in love with a person because he brings out the best in you.
The biggest mistake you can make is to think that love is a noble cause you have to undertake.
You need to be selfish.
If it does not make you happy, then it is not love at all.
Sex matters It sounds clichéd. But physical intimacy plays a big role in the relationship, even enhancing emotional intimacy. And it can be scary. Tushar Bhandari, 23, actor and model, says: “My longest relationship has lasted four weeks … what have I learnt about love? Hormones are scary things!”
But this anxiety wears off with age, and experience.
Sexual anxiety is an external manifestation of other insecurities that people face, as individuals and as a couple.
Being in a relationship is not all that bad.
Of course (there we go into clichés again), there are the good times and the bad times.
But they just serve to add variety Deepak Sharma, 50, runs . a consultancy service; when asked what he feels about relationships, he summed it all up: “I only regret the ones I haven’t had”.
(Some names have been changed)
E-mail author: insiya.amir@hindustantimes.com