If only Charles were not Charles! A prince by any other name would sound as sweet. As The Wedding draws near, the nation’s children and the poet laureate have the pleasant task of penning a poem to commemorate the occasion. It has been said that nothing rhymes with “Charles” (I tested the truth of this, and alas, nothing does). How much easier had he been called Bob! Or Rob. Bob rhymes with “nob” and “sob”, but who would want to sob at the wedding unless it was the groom’s mother? Bob also rhymes with “job”. That is an important word. One could ask, “Is Bob up to the job?” The problem is that Bob is a builder. There’s also “mob”. That is one thing the prince detests. That is why The Wedding is a very small affair.
He could have been John and ruled on and on. Bill? Does he fit or fill it? Images of a hill, Jill and a mill are reassuringly British to go with Bill. Bill rhymes well with Will. Imagine a newspaper headline: Will it be Bill or Will? Names such as Peter, Henry, Julian, David, Ian, Matthew, Laurence, Quentin, Samuel, Sebastian and Sinclair are a challenge for any Muse, but not Jack. Jack is back, has the knack, is ahead of the pack, nothing does he lack. Sean would go nicely with “adorn” (though not with “forlorn”), and by some stretch of imaginative rhyme with “throne” and “crown” as well.
Mike rides a bike, so that’s ruled out, then. James doesn’t play any games, and Mark never goes out after dark for a lark. Stephen always wants to get even. Clarence and Christopher are out of the running, but Clemens could go with lemons. Nathaniel and Noah spoil the fun of rhyme, but Neil goes well with a wedding bell’s peal and the couple’s kneel and how the guests feel (before and after the meal). Nick and Rick also do the trick.
What’s all the fuss about?
After all, it’s only our Chandu and Chameli tying the knot.
(Saumya Balsari is the author of the comic novel 'The Cambridge Curry Club', and wrote a play for Kali Theatre Company's Futures last year. She has worked as a freelance journalist in London, and is currently writing a second novel.)