Temptation of Shah Rukh

This week Dr Saumya Balsari talks about Auntyji's "liberating" visit to the Temptation show.

Twinkle twinkle Shah Rukh star
How I wonder where you are
Up in my Wembley Arena seat so high
I put binoculars to my eye
But twinkle twinkle Shah Rukh star
You simply are far too far

Auntyji was at the Temptations show at the Wembley Arena on Sunday. From the vantage position of the pre-booked Wembley car park, she spent almost as long staring at the giant poster of Shah Rukh Khan (and Saif Ali Khan, Preity Zinta, Rani Mukherji, Priyanka Chopra and Arjun Rampal) as inside the arena. A fan of Shah Rukh Khan, Auntyji had persuaded Mr S to pay £15 for a pre-booked forecourt parking. They rushed there ahead of the traffic to be the first to arrive at 4.15 pm for a show starting at 7. Doors only opened at 6.30 pm. This vital information was not conveyed by Wembley Arena to Auntyji. Auntyji thus fumed in the front passenger seat for over two hours in the car park while Mr S silently watched scores of bedecked Asian women tottering by on heels. Auntyji pointed to the litter in the area.

A mile-long queue had formed outside both the red and blue doors to the auditorium. Auntyji tossed her embroidered shawl over her shoulders and joined the end of the queue at 6.30 pm. Half an hour later, she was still shuffling along to a bursting bladder. Once past the ticket stile, she whispered to her husband over the heads of the throngs. She needed to spend a penny. Auntyji joined a longer queue behind other embroidered shawls. "You would think the organisers would know that every Asian man, woman and child makes a beeline for the amenities both before and after the show," sniffed Kashmiri embroidered shawl to bandhini shawl. Auntyji concurred. Meanwhile, Mr S had been unsuccessful in attempts to procure hot samosas from a nearby stall. "The show’s only starting at eight now. That’s Indian time for yer, innit?" said an amiable voice. A startled Mr S turned to behold a grinning young man with spiky hair streaked with gold that matched the gold of his bracelet and neck chain. Hungry and thirsty, Auntyji and Mr S proceeded directly into the auditorium to climb high, higher and higher still into their eyrie. Mr S brought out his father’s old binoculars with a flourish. Auntyji was staring intently at the audience nearest the stage. It was a long way down, but she still peered. Her friend Farida had said she was going to be there with her family in the second (B) row.