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Rude Travel by Vir Sanghvi: Land on your feet
Long-haul flights are hard enough. Airport chaos makes it worse. But a little extra money will not only save you time, it can also buy you Business-Class perks
When people hear that I travel every week, they usually ask: Isn’t it exhausting? Well, yes it is, I say. The destinations are nearly always fun, but getting there can be a drag.
The next question usually is: How do frequent travellers like you cope? Are there any hacks/tricks you can pass on?
There are three answers to that question. One: We cope only up to a point; otherwise I wouldn’t be so tired after every long flight. Two: The only hack that really works is to spend more. This requires no elucidation. If you travel First Class on Emirates, you will have a better experience than someone who travels Easy Jet. It’s brutal but it’s true.
But yes, there is a third answer. There are small things you can do to make your experience less tiring.
Airports: Ninety per cent of the pain of travelling comes from airports, not the aircraft.
So, it’s worth spending a little more money on them. If you are travelling economy, then try to pay for priority check-in, a service most international airlines offer around the world. That way, you don’t have to spend an hour in the queue. At many international airports, you get fast-tracked at security at a small charge. This allows you to use the priority queue, which can save 30 minutes or so.
Special Handling: Most good airlines put frequent premium fliers or holders of top-tier membership cards on a VIP list, which gets them buggies, escorts, loaders, priority boarding, etc. But you no longer have to be a jet-setter to get these privileges. At nearly every international airport, you can pay for a meet-and-assist service. At Dubai and Bangkok airports, for instance, that gets you priority immigration (even if you are in Economy), buggies (optional), escorts, luggage assistance etc. In the Maldives, they greet you at the plane when you land, put you in a car, take you to a lounge where your passport will be stamped, and then go off and collect your luggage while you have a coffee and a snack. In Paris, I use a service called Meltin that whisks you through CDG (which is not an easy airport to negotiate) in no time at all.
Not all of these services are reasonably priced, though some are very good value. But if you are travelling economy, they are usually cheaper than the extra you would have to pay for Business Class, where you wouldn’t even get these arrival privileges.
Airport Lounges: Most First-Class lounges are wonderful. Most Business-Class lounges are horrible. That’s as true of good airlines such as Singapore and Emirates as it is of the rest. Some Business-Class lounges can be okay (Qatar Airways in Doha, for instance) but that’s rare.
I have a simple policy. If the lounge seems overcrowded and dismal, I just go to an airport restaurant instead. The main attraction of lounges is that you feel they are exclusive. But when you confront the reality, they are more execrable than exclusive.
Connections: I have a horror of taking connecting flights from European airports. Most European airlines and airports are so badly run that there is a strong possibility that your luggage will not be loaded on the connecting flight. By the time you get it (if you do), you will be back home. If I have to connect, I try to do it through the Middle East or East Asia. I have zero faith in the British and in Europeans.
Food: Airlines spend a lot of time telling you how good their food is. In fact it is usually inedible. There are happy exceptions, but they are rare and usually only at the very front of the aircraft.
So I try not to eat on flights. If it’s a long flight, then I take my own food. I don’t drink a lot on planes either. The Business-Class wines are usually rubbish, so the safest choice is the champagne. It’s always a reliable brand, and there is an element of paisa vasool. Champagne usually costs the airline more than the other wines on the list.
Immigration: This is often a nightmare. In some countries (Germany) they treat you with suspicion. In some countries (the UK) so great is the collapse of the nation that they can’t afford to man much more than 30 per cent of the immigration desks. In some countries (the US) they make it clear that you are a grubby little crook who would be fortunate to enter their great nation. In some countries (Australia), they never let you forget that their founders were shepherds, cowherds and convicts, and treat the immigration queue like a cattle pen. In some countries (Italy) immigration officers can be lazy and uncaring.
There is nothing much you can do to make the experience easier. The UK has Fast Track but most European and American airports don’t. The suffering is part of the experience.
Overnight flights: Many people like overnight flights because they arrive in the morning and save money on a hotel. This is a foolish economy, because most hotels won’t let you check-in until 3pm even if your plane has got in at 8am. So, you hang around, unwashed and bleary eyed till after lunch.
You are also a wreck because it’s hard to sleep on planes. Air India’s rescheduling meant I took a night flight last month, on one of their new planes, to London. The Business-Class seats are so badly designed that you have to be a contortionist who is used to hiding in boxes to sleep well at night.
As much as possible I don’t take overnight flights if I have a choice.
And finally: Learn to be patient. Air travel can be a high-stress affair. Nothing is gained by shouting at the staff unless the provocation is grave. And whatever you do, please avoid the Indian habit of behaving rudely with Indian staff while turning into a snivelling little sycophant with staff from white countries.
From HT Brunch, August 02, 2025
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