Death is inevitable and so is the grief that threatens to drown you following the loss of a loved one. It could be a close friend, partner, spouse, child, relative, or even a pet. Many say grief is the price we pay for love. And maybe it is. Because losing a loved one can alter the course of your life. For many, life may never be the same again. Yet, it is a journey one ought to take.
In our line of work, we see the pain and grief people go through when they lose a loved one due to disease. This article is a humble attempt to acknowledge your pain and help you navigate this difficult period with a few learnings.
Acknowledge your grief
Bottling up your grief can do more harm than good. Don’t avoid what you are feeling. Unresolved grief can push you on a downward spiral and result in depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
Don’t compartmentalise grief
Grieving is a very individualistic experience. We cannot fit it into categories. There is no right way to grieve. It is deeply personal and differs based on your unique self, coping mechanisms, life experiences, and the kind of loss you underwent. Some find healing in talking, some in praying or crying, some in old memories or spiritual practice or being of service. Do what comforts your soul.
Vocalise your needs
{{/usCountry}}Vocalise your needs
{{/usCountry}}Do you need to cry? Do you need someone to wash your hair? Do you need someone to hold your hand or embrace you in a long hug? Or, do you want to hang out to distract yourself? Say it out loud.
Take your own time
Grieving and healing take their own time and you can’t hurry them up. While some people take days, others take months, and some even take years. All you need is patience. Trust the strength of your mind and body to fully process it and allow you to naturally recover.
In the early days, people would take their own time to grieve, take a break from work and then gradually resume their normal lives once they felt centred. However today, most of us don’t embrace this process fully. We place so much pressure on ourselves to get back to our daily routines in no time that we do not allow our bodies to process the emotions and pain associated with a loss of a loved one.
Join a support group or sangh
You may feel lonely even when surrounded by loved ones. When you feel that others around you are moving on, yet your life has come to a screeching halt, know that you are not alone. There are many others around the globe struggling to cope with similar losses. Sharing your sorrow with them can help. Join a bereavement support group.
Seek professional help, if needed
Speaking to a grief counselling expert when everything becomes too overwhelming can help. They will listen to you, assess your situation, and help you manage intense emotions.
Writing this article reminds me of a profound life lesson I learned from one of our patients. In his early sixties, the gentleman spoke to us about one of the most impactful events in his life: the death of his 25-year-old son. Yet, when I engaged with him, he seemed genuinely positive. When asked how he navigated through what one could possibly call the biggest loss for any parent, he said something that stayed with us.
“I grieved him. But as I was on that journey I moved on to focussing on not what I had lost, but the 25 beautiful years I had spent with my son. It’s been 15 years, and still, there are days when I look at his picture and miss him. But I keep reminding myself of the happiest memories that we spent together. And that’s what keeps me going.”
This reminded us of one of the biggest life lessons. Life is uncertain and fragile. When we lose someone, we tend to focus on the loss so much that we don’t celebrate their lives the way they deserved it. Our time is finite. So instead of wasting time on heated arguments, paybacks, anger, unforgiveness, and resentment that don’t serve us, let’s use our time to tell our loved ones how much we love them and prove it through our actions.
For those who are gone but never forgotten, let the lives they lived and the memories they made continue to be our source of joy.
Here’s wishing you strength, peace, and an abundant life always.
Luke Coutinho practices in the space of Holistic Nutrition—Integrative & Lifestyle Medicine and is the founder of You Care-All about You by Luke Coutinho
From HT Brunch, December 17, 2022
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