Getting roached? Here’s how to save yourself

The newest dating trend — roaching involves a partner, who keeps their parallel intimate relationships secret. Many believe that the moniker, roaching originated from ‘roach’ — the slang for cockroach. Though you may see just one, it usually means that there are many more hidden out of view.
When your partner keeps you at arm’s length and there is a sense of emotional distance, it could be a sign of roaching (PHOTO: Shutterstock)
When your partner keeps you at arm’s length and there is a sense of emotional distance, it could be a sign of roaching (PHOTO: Shutterstock)
Published on Nov 21, 2021 02:43 PM IST
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The newest dating trend — roaching involves a partner, who keeps their parallel intimate relationships secret. Many believe that the moniker, roaching originated from ‘roach’ — the slang for cockroach. Though you may see just one, it usually means that there are many more hidden out of view.

Ruchi Garg, an analyst at TCS, explains, “The signs of roaching were pretty evident in my last relationship. My partner was always distracted during our phone calls and even on our coffee dates, when all I could see was him scrolling through his phone endlessly. We ended up having a heated discussion which ended with him confessing that he was seeing other people. That was the end of our relationship, ”

Signs to look out for

A sense of emotional distance, where your partner keeps you at arm’s length is a sign of roaching and should be taken seriously. “When you are in a relationship with someone who is roaching, there will usually be a lack of an emotional connection. It would be hard to share emotions like love, anger or joy and the relationship might only be sustained on physical needs,” says life coach, Anamika Yaduvanshi.

If someone is roaching you, they won’t share any personal details about themselves or introduce you to their family and friends. Also, they would avoid talks about the future. Yaduvanshi adds, ”When your partner is roaching, there is no commitment. Since the roacher is also involved with other people, they would not get committed to anyone.”

It is this absence of commitment that makes the future of the relationship uncertain and you should get out of the relationship before it is too late.

What can you do?

Take the high road

It is best to be mature and have a conversation with the person concerned so as to end the relationship and move on.

Forgive, forget and move on

No number of apologies and emotional melodrama is worth staying in a toxic relationship. This will only leave you with a constant feeling of insecurity along with trust issues making the relationship a toxic whirlpool which you might regret later on.

Don’t over obsess and over think

Do not try to delve into the ‘whys and hows’ of it. It will only make you feel worse and stepping out of the relationship will become even more difficult.

Take steps to ensure mental, emotional stability

Stepping out of a relationship especially after being roached can prove to be disastrous for one’s mental health. Take steps such as booking an appointment with a therapist, confiding in your confidant and keeping yourself occupied.

(Inputs by Kanika Khosla, psychologist)

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Sunday, December 05, 2021