Raising confident kids: 8 parenting tips to help your child speak up and be heard

Parenting 101: 8 ways parents can foster confidence and communication in their kids to speak confidently, handle conflict and stand up for themselves.

In today’s era, especially post-pandemic and more so in urban spaces, speech delays and communication gaps among children have been prevalent. There are many reasons for this but the focus here is on how we approach communication and teach kids to speak up.

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Lakshmy Menon, Consultant Neonatologist and Pediatrician at Cloudnine Group of Hospitals in Bengaluru's Bellandur, shared, “Children learn speaking skills primarily from their peers, caregivers and role models, including parents and siblings. They pick up the tone, word usage and nuances from what they observe around them.”

Societal expectations and communication challenges

• Children are educated about when and how to speak or not to speak.
• From an early age, children are taught to speak softly, respectfully, or are sometimes asked to "use their inside voice."
• Often, children are shushed or told to "keep quiet" when they want to express a point of view, and asked to "speak up" when they mumble. These mixed signals can confuse children.
• In many societies, the notion that "the child is best seen and not heard" prevails.
• As a result, children grow up learning to repress their thoughts and feelings, leading to poor communication skills. They may become aggressive, disruptive, shy, or struggle to express themselves emotionally.

According to experts, the best way to deal with all parent-children conflict is to keep all channels of communication open.

Some parents are always too busy for their children – hence, the children never think it is an appropriate time to speak to their parent. This further creates communication gap.

Tips to encourage children to speak more

1. Encourage Self-Expression:
   • Start with age-appropriate conversations, helping toddlers name their emotions (e.g., "Are you angry, sad, happy?").
   • As children grow, encourage them to explain why they feel the way they do.
   • Be patient and allow them to think through their responses, without leading them to answers.
2. Let Everyone Speak:
   • Include children in family conversations and allow them to express their ideas and opinions.
   • Avoid shushing them when they speak during discussions.
3. Give Everyone Their Time:
   • Encourage respectful conversation by ensuring no one talks over another family member.
   • Teach children to disagree respectfully, without using demeaning language.
4. Let Them Figure It Out:
   • If they don’t get it right the first time, let them practice.
   • Avoid rescuing them or solving problems for them, as they learn best by finding their own solutions.
5. Learn Through Play:
   • Role-playing is a fun way for children to see how their words and body language affect situations.
6. Body Language Awareness:
   • Teach children good body language through role-play.
   • Show them how to stand tall, uncross their legs, maintain eye contact, and speak confidently.
7. Ask Open-Ended Questions:
   • Avoid starting conversations with "why," which may make children defensive.
   • Instead, ask questions like, "What was fun at school today?" to encourage longer, more thoughtful answers.
8. Be Available:
   • Older children may become quieter and hesitate to express themselves.
   • Set aside one-on-one time with each child, especially in larger families, to ensure they feel heard.

There is no magic formula for encouraging children to be more communicative. However, with practice, patience and guidance, we can help even small children find their voice and express themselves confidently.