What do your red flags say about your childhood? Therapist reveals that relationship is a mirror

Relationship therapist shares instances of how childhood trauma can resurface in adult relationships, influencing behaviours and emotional patterns.

Childhood is an impressionable period of life, where the experiences lay the foundation for future relationships. Emotional wounds carried forward from childhood can emerge and manifest in various ways in romantic relationships.

Behaviours in relationship can say a lot about your childhood experiences. (Pexels)

Unresolved childhood issues can cause repeated patterns of certain behaviours in adult relationships. It’s essential to recognise these patterns and break the cycle to engage in a better, fulfilling relationship. This may require some introspection and emotional work, but at the end of the day, your mental wellbeing and relationship's chances of longevity benefit from it.

Kasturi M, a relationship therapist as described by her IG bio, shared some of the problematic relationship behaviours which may hint at childhood trauma.

She called relationship a ‘mirror.’

Clingy in relationship

Often, people feel anxious when their partners ask for space, displaying a strong dependence on their partners and seeking constant reassurance. There is a lurking fear of abandonment that can arise in these moments.

Childhood cause-
Kasturi listed the childhood issues which may lead to this anxious attachment style:

• Emotional neglect
• Experiences of emotional inconsistency

This shows that individuals who experienced emotional neglect or inconsistency in their childhood may grow up with deep-seated fears of abandonment, making them very anxious and even emotionally clingy in their relationships.

Inexpressive in relationship

Sometimes, people take a chill, laid-back approach to their relationships, keeping things very casual, and humourous, avoiding deep emotional involvement. They deliberately distance themselves from expressing feelings and shy away from emotional conversations. Sometimes during conflicts, they shut down, refusing to face the emotions.

Childhood cause-

Kasturi pointed out that this may be because, in their childhood, their emotions were frequently dismissed or pushed away by parents or caregivers.

Unassertive in relationship

This is characteristic of the ‘people pleasers’ in the relationships, where they have a hard time setting boundaries, and suppress their needs to avoid any relationship confrontation. They can't say no and feel guilty for prioritising themselves.

Childhood cause-

Kasturi identified the childhood cause where they had to earn love by being good or obedient to their parents.

So in a way, from childhood, they internalised that self-worth is tied to pleasing others, even if it means suffering for themselves.

Red flag seeker in relationship

Sometimes people genuinely feel more attracted to red flags, overlooking their toxic behaviours. A healthy relationship makes them feel bored.

Childhood cause-

Kasturi addressed the underlying cause of this behaviour in relationships, explaining that for these individuals, childhood may have taught them that love is defined by unpredictability and conflict, marked by extreme highs and lows.

It can also be suggested that they may have grown up idealizing their parents' toxic relationship, subconsciously viewing the frequent conflicts as a normal or ideal part of love.

Kasturi finally concluded that past wounds don't disappear, and they do show up in relationships as well. Tending to that inner child is important in the process of healing.