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UPSC aspirant sells books, mock tests for ₹464 after 4 failed attempts: 'It's over now'
The UPSC aspirant described watching the books being placed on the scrap dealer's weighing scale as an emotional experience.
A UPSC aspirant recently opened up about the emotional toll of 4 failed attempts at the UPSC examination after selling his books and mock tests to a scrap dealer for just ₹464.
In a Reddit post titled "Sold all my UPSC books and mock tests to the kabadiwala yesterday. Here's what it felt like", the aspirant detailed his journey through 3 consecutive Mains attempts in 2023, 2024 and 2025. However, in 2026, he failed to clear the Prelims for the first time, he said.
"Three back-to-back Mains - 2023, 2024, 2025. This year, for the first time, I didn't even clear Prelims. It's over now," the Reddit user wrote.
The aspirant said that he recently sold the NCERTs he had started his preparation with, along with Laxmikant, his first test papers, mock tests, notes and other study material. He described watching the books being placed on the scrap dealer's weighing scale as an emotional experience.
"With every book that landed on that pile, something in me went numb. Hollow. Because that stack wasn't paper, it was every mock I wrote for Mains, every Prelims test, every analysis sheet I made at 4 AM, every page of notes in handwriting I used to be proud of. It was answers I'd corrected, rewritten, corrected again, trying to get one mark closer each time. It was effort. Years of it. Dear to me in a way I don't think I can fully explain to anyone who hasn't lived inside a UPSC prep cycle," he wrote.
(Also Read: Candidate who attempted UPSC 5 times asks 'young intelligent minds' to choose other careers)
In the post, the aspirant also reflected on the sacrifices he made during his UPSC preparation. He said that he had chosen not to join a high-paying job in 2022 because he believed in pursuing the examination.
"A high-paying job I chose not to join, back in 2022, because I believed in this instead. Not having that job now is something people either mock me for or pity me for, depending on how kind they're feeling that day. Even if I earned half of what that job would've paid, I'd be happier than I was the day I got that offer letter in 2022," he said.
He also mentioned losing a four-year relationship during the years of preparation. "Restart after restart. Hope, grit, that stubborn fighter spirit that kept saying one more try," he wrote.
The aspirant said that for him, selling the books felt like reducing years of effort and sacrifice to their weight in kilograms. "But when the last book finally went on the pile, all of that, the years, the version of myself I built and rebuilt for this, got measured in kilograms," he wrote.
The Reddit user shared that the books fetched him ₹464. When someone nearby told him that he should have held out for ₹600, he said that he simply smiled and replied, "Kitabo se jo milna tha, woh mila nahi. Fir aur 100-200 jyada kam mile toh kya hi farq padta hai."
The aspirant shared that later he donated ₹464 at a temple. He said that the gesture was not for merit or luck for another attempt, as he had decided that there would be no next attempt. "Just to tell God, quietly: I still have a bigger heart than you did with me," he wrote.
(Also Read: ‘Competition is more in our head’: IAS officer shares advice for UPSC aspirants)
Social media reactions
The post struck a chord with several UPSC aspirants and former candidates, who shared their own experiences.
One user wrote, "My journey is quite similar to yours. Only a UPSC aspirant who has lived through these can understand what you are going through. That last line brought tears. Good luck. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
"My own UPSC journey came flashing in front of my eyes after reading yours. 6 Mains,1 Inteview - Not selected. The amount of pain, hard work, sacrifices, social isolation that we go through, it all seems to have gone in vain. However, during preparation I had decided that I will not leave my Maharatna PSU job, even though many serious aspirants advised me to quit and study full time. Today, careerwise I am stable and can only imagine what a terrible blunder it would have been if i would have quit the job," commented another.
"It's therapeutic to read this. Good luck with everything man! I wish you the best in life. I wish we all gather the courage to step out of this loophole and love life for what it is!" wrote a third user.
"Yup! A brutal pointless journey. After 2 mains and a state PSC final list- all of which I missed by a whisker and to not clearing this year's prelims for the first time... this exam has broken me in numerous ways! Well I'm yet to sell the books to the kabadiwala.... I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Here's to hoping and praying that life brings peace and closure to people like us in some form," said another.
(Disclaimer: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.)
