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Learn the rules of chemistry from SRK and Kajol

In the religion that is Bollywood, if ever there were commandments for couples to follow, it would be these.

brunch Updated: Dec 14, 2015 17:26 IST
Shah Rukh Khan,Kajol,Dilwale
A still from Dilwale’s ‘Gerua’

Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol are the best on-screen couple. If you doubt that, you have a cold, cold heart. They’ve been giving the world #RelationshipGoals since forever and with Dilwale almost here, it’s time we recapped those. In the religion that is Bollywood, if ever there were commandments for couples to follow, it would be these.

Thou shalt always travel by train.

Because you can’t really stick your hand out of a plane, no? Also, running after a plane is quite impossible and honestly, quite stupid!

Thou shalt never get into physical fights unless you really REALLY have to.

Get to fisticuffs only when goons are attacking papa on a train platform, when someone’s trying to steal your girl or pichle janam ka badla.

Thou shalt always respect elders, irrespective of how crazy they are.

So what if they hang out in Kali mandirs, bugging the pandit? So what if they run down roads screaming “Mere (insert your name + other random name) aayenge!”? If they are your pichle janam ki maa or your bae’s pichle janam ki maa, be sanskaari and respectful.

Thou shalt remember to out-prank and out-PJ thy significant other.

Because pyaar dosti hai and all that. So buri shayari (the bade mazaaki kind from K3G) and even worse comebacks (“I don’t like jokes.” “I don’t like yooo!”) are perfectly acceptable. Cringe-worthy but acceptable.

Thou shalt always dance together in less-than-suitable-yet-highly-dramatic places.

Like the pyramids. Or a barn full of hay. As long as you are dancing badly together, it doesn’t matter where you are. Just make sure you’re not prancing around the Alps in thin chiffon saris or with your shirt open. Uss se pneumonia ho jayega.

Thou shalt pay no attention to age.

They say age is just a number. They’re right. If, in 1995, you guys were standing in a sarson ka khet with your arms raised, there is no reason you can’t do that today when you’re 20 years older. Maybe you could change the location? Like on top of a half-burnt plane? (Hello Dilwale trailer!) Bottomline: PDA is not age dependent.

Thou shalt blame it on the feels. Those intense feels.

Because when two people ko pyaar ho jaata hai, the intense emoshuns cannot be helped. The religion thing is just not working out? Flip out and throw him out like in My Name Is Khan. Her daddy destroyed your family? Murder some folks like in Baazigar. Family doesn’t want you to be together? Flee to another continent and never speak to them again like in K3G. These may not be the nicest things to do, but hey, shit happens!

Thou shalt learn to play basketball.

Because randomly bouncing a ball around a court awkwardly doesn’t count as sport. Trust us. We know. We have successfully convinced millions that we were good at basketball in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. But now we’ll say, “Khelna seekh lo beta”.

Thou shalt maintain your faith in cheesy lines.

Because spouting them and falling for the people who spout them is eternal. Don’t listen to the hipsters. A good “Palat…Palat…Palat” or “Bade bade deshon mein, choti choti batein” never hurt anybody. Cheesy lines dil todte nahin, dil jodte hain.

From HT Brunch, December 14

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First Published: Dec 14, 2015 17:26 IST