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Sh*t (modern) Indian mothers say
Indian mothers are rare birds, with their capacity for drama. The modern ma has broken all stereotypes and created a new quintessential ma: she’s tech-literate, progressive, and still so hard to please!
Your mother always had eyes at the back of her head. Even today, she’s everywhere. Which means...
1. You’ll always be jittery on Facebook, for one. How to post pics from last night’s drinking binge when Ma is ready to comment. And of course you have to accept her friend request, what kind of monster are you?
2. You’re last to know everything. Because she gets all her news from WhatsApp before you’ve even woken up.
3. She’s smarter than you even about the stupid things. She’s figured out Siri, smart TVs, and what’s in Sunny Leone’s book.
It’s hard to impress Indian moms. You can spend a whole day trying. In fact use our handy guide!
8am: She wakes up to breakfast in bed – pancakes, eggs, jam and juice.
Reaction: *while chomping* Beta, this is so sweet, but so expensive, na? Next time, you order from that app, they give me a discount.
10am: You’ve tweeted about her selfless ways using the trending #LoveYouMa hashtag
Reaction: Beta, why don’t you show your love for me by clearing IIT-JEE this year?
2pm: She gets a long, emotional WhatsApp forward on mothers ‘aka god’s angels’. Promptly sends it to children.
Reaction: Did you get my WhatsApp message? I knew you didn’t read it. All my friends replied instantly. Only when I’m gone will you realise...
6pm: She’s getting treated to a fancy dinner at her favourite restaurant.
Reaction: “You know, Sharma ji ka beta took his parents to Dubai and didn’t even do those cheap cruises. But Sharma ji ki bahu? Hai, she dresses like she’s going to a nightclub at 10am!”
10pm: Uploads picture of the dinner on Facebook. Caption: At the best restaurant with the best children. #blessed #mothersday #mybachchas
Reaction: Beta, see, so many people have liked the picture. And look what Sharma aunty has said about you, ‘Looking mature’!
From HT Brunch, May 8, 2016
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