It is that time of the year again. Oh no, not Christmas or New Year, but the one when the weather starts improving, the sun starts showing, and it’s not too hot yet. My favourite time of the year, also owing to the fact that this is my birthday month (Self-obsessed? Yes, guilty – our best relationships begin with ourselves).
Recently, there were some spurts of rain too; overall, the temperature was pleasant. Soon memes will start doing the rounds — “These are the days when we put the fan on and keep one leg outside the blanket”. Deciding the apparel for the day is either way risky — it might turn out hot and/or it might be cold. In any case it’s spring—and, repeating myself, my favourite time of the year!”
I don’t know exactly why, but it also inspires me to be unabashedly myself. To be my real, authentic, genuine self. Maybe because the greenery, the trees, the flowers, bushes – entire nature is at its best and exuding love and harmony. I guess I feel like synchronising with it… and by default that’s the true spirit of Homo Sapiens as well – Exuding love and harmony.
However, just like (seemingly) there can be disturbances in climate or Mother Nature’s laws, humans face conflicts. But again, just like Mother Nature returns to serenity and composure, we, too, return to an equilibrium (mostly). Also, talking of these conflicts/lapses in peace, they can be both intrapersonal or interpersonal – in either case we strive for calm. Plus, both forms are psychologically draining and against the true spirit of us humans. That’s why we are inclined to avoid conflicts altogether. However, it’s to be mentioned here that conflicts can be healthy, too; and spur significant relational growth if handled wisely and creatively.
{{/usCountry}}However, just like (seemingly) there can be disturbances in climate or Mother Nature’s laws, humans face conflicts. But again, just like Mother Nature returns to serenity and composure, we, too, return to an equilibrium (mostly). Also, talking of these conflicts/lapses in peace, they can be both intrapersonal or interpersonal – in either case we strive for calm. Plus, both forms are psychologically draining and against the true spirit of us humans. That’s why we are inclined to avoid conflicts altogether. However, it’s to be mentioned here that conflicts can be healthy, too; and spur significant relational growth if handled wisely and creatively.
{{/usCountry}}A conflict is a disagreement, which can also be a difference in opinions, needs and values. Also, it is normal; because, two people can (at times) have completely different understandings of the same event. It can also happen due to unmet expectations, emotional triggers, stress and external pressure.
Some common interpersonal conflicts are family disagreements, marital/relationship issues, friend misunderstandings, work–life balance at home and/ or generation gaps. The list isn’t exhaustive.
Whatever the reason/type of conflict(s), they need to be resolved or managed timely and efficiently. Let us look at some strategies – some of which we are naturally endowed with and some we need to cultivate … Because despite the brain-wiring that desires continuous peace we end up fighting sometimes.
1. Let bygones be bygones: Don’t dwell on/bring up the past. Be rooted in the ‘here and now’. Move beyond old misunderstandings, just like people evolve and move on with time.
2. Active listening: Along with striving to become a good listener, put in efforts towards reflective listening, too. Active listening requires careful questioning (when needed) and encouragement to the other to speak. Reflective listening adds another layer by mirroring the gist and reframing the thoughts and feelings shared by the other. It shows that you are sincerely attentive and endeavouring to understand, more than just defend or react.
Here, passive listening can also help; when, for instance the other person is emotionally charged and is just looking to vent. Here, just give them a listening ear, nod your head, and through gestures and least spoken words, convey your attention. It will make the person feel light and safe, and less defensive in future for bringing up sensitive issues.
3. Communication: All peaceful relationships have it in common that there is some basic trust in how the other person will interact with us. It won’t be an overstatement to say that communication is everything when it comes to forging and maintaining relational bonds. Here, it’s also worth adding that there’s Mehrabian’s Rule which says that communication is 55% body language, 38% tone and only 7% content (that is, what we are actually saying).
Keeping these pointers in mind can go a long way in resolving arguments.
Lastly, develop the timeless virtues of empathy, kindness and forgiveness. If conflicts are still showing up in your relationships, consider communicating your expectations clearly, and reducing/adjusting these expectations, too. Giving it time, and letting the issue rest can also help sometimes, because, indeed, humans automatically have inner mechanisms that help them move towards healing.
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