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To mask a pose, fashion faux pas and a lost battle
Spice of Life: The husband came back to reality with a thud. The wife now was looking extremely sheepish and the tilt to the chin was dramatically reduced
A friend was adding final touches to her outfit for a dinner, whilst the ‘I am ready, now let’s go’ husband was already waiting in the car. In her haste, she forgot to carry the one accessory that has become more important than even the mobile phone – her mask. “I’ll run in and get it,” she offered, but the husband knew better, with women it’s never just one thing, the lipstick may need touch-up, hair needs to be brushed yet again or the footwear needs a change, so he tactfully deferred, “Come sit, I have a fresh one in the glovebox.” The mask in question was a definite fashion faux pas, a bright red with yellow flowers, which was a jarring contrast to the peach sari, much to the annoyance of the lady.
Refusing to wear the crimson contraption, it was placed delicately in her lap, in case of an emergency. At the next traffic signal, waiting for the light to turn green, Anita (name changed in the interest of domestic peace) saw a well-dressed gentleman taking her picture. On observing this, she instinctively tilted her face slightly to the left and raised her chin just that tiny bit, to discreetly show off the perfect jawline she sported. “Wow, I knew this sari was totally worth it, it’s really brought out the colour of my cheeks, the photographer must be from one of those publications that print candid shots of people and then send them gift vouchers,” she thought to herself. Turning to the husband, she said: “See darling, someone is taking my picture, it’s the extra 10 minutes that I spent on the final touches that have made the difference, and here you are always in a hurry, wearing another boring shade of grey, making no effort at all.” The husband, with his poker face (which he had mastered in 15 years of marriage) was thinking of the chilled beer and the cricket match that the host had promised to display on a giant screen, grunted nonchalantly.
Next thing he knew, the gentleman in question knocked on his window, “Sir, licence please, there is a challan for not wearing a mask,” a gruff voice informed him, pointing to the lady. The husband came back to reality with a thud. The wife now was looking extremely sheepish and the tilt to the chin was dramatically reduced. When in trouble, our survival instinct kicks in. Without batting an eyelid, the hapless husband looked at the cop in plainclothes, “Sir, what to do, we’ve been married for 15 years but she just doesn’t listen to me. If I suggest anything, she’ll go and do the exact opposite, which mostly never works. I have to deal with the end result. I repeatedly told her to wear a mask, but she refused. It’s right there, yet she refused. So, I didn’t persist, because the one thing she’s always ready for is an argument.”
The cop obviously must have dealt with similar domestic circumstances on his own front for he nodded sympathetically, “Sir, I understand. Yeh Wife-Log (as if they are an entire species) always get us in trouble and ignore any suggestions we make. It’s like they have some sort of training for this. They just don’t listen.”
Turning to the lady in question, he said, “Madam, I’m letting you go, this time, but please don’t repeat this.”
Not the one to give up on the last word, she replied, “I always wear a mask in the car, but the red in this is clashing horribly with the colour of my sari,” to which the husband rolled his eyes and the cop shook his head. They both understood it was a lost battle. a.jasveen@gmail.com
The writer is a Hoshiarpur-based agri-tourism entrepreneur
