‘Ma, give me my freedom’

Anurag Kashyap’s 1993 letter to his mother when he left home to make films.

Dear father and mother,
I hope you’re not too worried about me. I managed to get a job with Doordarshanas an assistant director. They will pay me once the job is done. If financing me is difficult for you, I understand and I will try and manage on my own. I worked on a serial called Purana Andaaz, Naya Agaaz, but got thrown out without being given any money.

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Anurag Kashyap

Anubhuti said I should write to you more often. But I will write when I can stand on my own two feet. Now that I have started, I am writing this letter. Whenever I tell people my ideas, they say I will do something big in life.

My director once told me, “I think you are very attached to your mother.” A home, love and money mean a lot to me too, but I want more than just that. I do not want to live by the rules of society. I want to be free. I am still learning, which is why I sometimes need to ask you for finances.

Without any help, I want to make something on my own, with my creativity and intelligence. I want a profession where I don’t need to rely on anyone or borrow money or give bribes or ask a favour. I will try everything, but I will never do a government or a desk job. Never!

Ma, just give me my freedom. Don’t cry and call me home. There is a lot of love between us… but there is also a communication gap. I am not useless. I remember my responsibilities, but for some time, I want to forget them and learn. I want to make you proud.

I have always felt that whenever I asked you for money, it was because I was desperate. Please only send the money when you have some faith in your son. I will write more often, and you should too. I don’t want to live in fear of you. I know it’s not a lot of money, but I will get Rs 1,750 when I finish work. Until then, I have to pay rent. How long will my roommate support me? Give my love to Shruti.

Please write soon,
Rinku

P.S. I miss you a lot. Your photo in a frame is always with me. If I get time, I will come home… if you get time, please come over.
-Transcribed by Serena Menon