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Marriage is OK but kids?

I am about to get married. After marriage, due to some reasons my hubby and I need to stay apart for some time. Also, I want to enjoy with my husband before having kids...

india Updated: May 16, 2006 10:30 IST

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Marriage is OK but kids?

1.
I am Jennifer, 23-years-old and about to get married. After marriage, due to some reasons my hubby and I need to stay apart for some time. But I love my fiancé so much that I cannot think of leaving him. Meanwhile, if I get pregnant then I will be forced to stay with my mother and I don't want that to happen. I don't want kids so soon. I want to enjoy with my husband before becoming a mother. Please suggest some contraceptives that can be used to avoid pregnancy. Is it safe to use condoms/tablets? I don't want to take any risks in childbirth. So, please guide accordingly.

Anonymous

No excitement after marriage

2.
I am 27-years-old and have recently gotten married. Of late, I don't feel any excitement. I used to indulge in master beat before marriage. This is creating problems in my married life. Is there any cure for it? Do I need to use some spray or would it be better to consult a sexologist? Please advice.

Liton

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'I feel betrayed in love'

1.
There's a girl whom I used to love a lot. When we were dating, sex became a daily affair. Then I went overseas to work and she started losing interest in me. We still enjoy a lot on my visits. As she did not agree for marriage, for her sake, I kept distance with the hope that she will marry someone else. She used to tell me that if she got married, I needed to give her a child. Last month, she got married to a US guy. Currently, she is alone in India, waiting for her visa. Recently, I apologised for entering her life but the reply she gave me was shocking and disturbed me a lot. She said that after I left she started dating some other guy and they also had sexual relations. She did not want to marry him because he knew her past. Now she says, she likes her husband, but would love to have an affair with me till her husband takes her to the US. I am unable to tolerate this and feel like dying. It's killing me. How can come out of this?

Moorthy

Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
Your love story started as a dream-come-true but now has become a nightmare and what a nightmare it is. Your lover as described by you seems to be a bundle of sexual appetite and needs bereft of emotions like love, respect or even sympathy. She seems to be capable of going to any length for her satisfaction. She has no idea that some one can be hurt by her behaviour. Her request for fathering her child is not for honouring you. She wants this only for subsequent sexploitation and economic blackmail at her convenience. There is plenty to regret and feel sorry for. You can blame yourself for being a poor judge of personalities, for being so blindly in love. But now there is no scope for grief. You can feel angry but keep your distance from her and re-establish yourself.

 

I am losing sexual powers

2.
I am 24-years-old. I have been masturbating from last seven years. Few days back, I had sex for the first time but erected within 3-4 seconds. Later, it took me hours to get another orgasm. I feel sorry for myself. I am losing my powers and feel exhausted. What should I do?

Mani

Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla:
One bad sexual experience, especially the very first one should not be disheartening. There are so many adverse psychological factors at work to cause this fiasco. Some commonly known factors are - fear of being caught, guilt feelings, fear of failure, fear of contacting STD, HIV etc. One should see a doctor for erectile disorders when they are persistent or frequent. There is nothing to worry about as long as you are performing well during masturbation and you should refrain yourself from experimenting with sex in unsafe situations.