How to realise you are starting to resent someone? Therapist shares 5 signs to watch out for before things turn worse

Resentment for a person does not usually appear at once, rather, it grows over time; Jeffrey Meltzer helps recognise the early signs.

Not all relationships, romantic or otherwise, are meant to go on forever after. Sometimes people grow out of others, and a feeling of liking slowly turns into resentment.

Whether one wants to salvage the relationship or call it quits, being aware of the early signs of resentment is crucial in both cases, which allows people to have the conversation that they need to have.

Taking to Instagram on September 28, Florida-based therapist Jeffrey Meltzer shared five such warning signs to keep an eye out for.

1. Getting bothered by small things

“Of course, everyone gets annoyed sometimes, but if nearly everything this particular person does gets under your skin, consider whether you're still upset about something that hasn't been addressed,” shared the therapist.

2. Running a tab of things done for them

When one starts to keep a running total of the things that they have done for another person, Jeffery considers it a clear sign.

“You remember who drove last time and how often you've rearranged your schedule. You find yourself thinking, ‘Would they ever do this for me?’ Sometimes there really is an imbalance. So, pay attention to what you wish they would notice without you having to point it out,” he explained.

3. Agreeing to things and feeling angry afterwards

In the words of the therapist, “They ask for a favour, you say yes, and then you spend the afternoon frustrated that they even asked. So, before agreeing again, consider whether you're actually willing to do it. They may be taking your yes at face value while you're hoping they'll realise how much you already have on your plate.”

4. Not asking them for anything

Jeffrey considers stopping oneself from asking the other person for anything as an early warning sign of resentment.

“You handle it yourself because you expect that bringing it up will lead to another disappointing conversation,” he stated. “Being independent can be healthy, but think about why you stopped asking. Have your needs changed, or have you given up on getting a response?”

5. Having mental arguments with the other person

When one keeps having arguments with the other person in their head while they are driving or trying to fall asleep, the therapist considers it to be yet another sign.

“You're explaining your side again. You imagine finally saying something that makes them understand why you're upset. That can be a clue that the issue still feels unresolved for you,” he explained.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master's in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.