Relationship coach shares practical tips on how to be a better husband when you are hoping for more intimacy with wife

A relationship coach explains that intimacy issues stem from unmet emotional needs rather than surface complaints, and men often overlook its importance.

Have you been feeling distant from your partner, which is also taking a toll on the intimacy level between you? Often, couples struggle to reconcile because they don't recognise the underlying reasons behind their daily complaints or unmet needs.

Men's deepest desire is physical connection. But most men try to skip the step that even makes that possible. (Unsplash)

Alessandro Frosali, a men's relationship coach who shares practical ways to translate your partner's needs and become a better significant other, highlighted in a December 15 Instagram post, ways to be a better husband when you hope for more intimacy in marriage.

How to be a better husband?

According to Alessandro, most men think their wife has a lower sex drive. However, he highlighted that they are missing what is actually happening. “Men's deepest desire is physical connection. But most men try to skip the step that even makes that possible. (Your ego won't like this next bit, boys.)”

He noted that the mistake most men make is that they ignore the basics: ‘You can't build physical closeness when the emotional tone between the two of you is off.’

What is emotional tone?

However, the relationship coach shared that solving this intimacy issue is quite simple. “It's the feeling she lives in when she's around you. Safe or unsafe. Relaxed or tense. Connected or alone. Supported or carried everything. And emotional tone comes from her unmet needs. Not the ones she ‘nags’ about. The ones underneath the ‘nagging,’” he added.

He further explained how men lack meeting the emotional tone of their partner with an example: “If she keeps asking you to follow through on what you say…She's not talking about the bins. She's talking about integrity. She's asking, ‘Can I trust your word?’ When the answer feels like ‘no,’ she doesn't feel safe opening up to you. That's just one pattern.”

Furthermore, Alessandro explained that there's more to these deeper unmet needs:

1. Presence

"You're in the room but not really there = She feels alone next to you," the relationship coach highlighted.

2. Trust

"You say one thing and do another = She can't relax," he explained.

3. Priorities

"You give your best to work, to strangers, and to your mother, and she gets scraps = She stops feeling chosen," he noted.

4. Reliability

Lastly, he explained, "She reminds you. You forget. She reminds herself again = She learns she must carry everything."

“When these needs go unmet, the emotional tone drops. When the emotional tone drops, she cannot open. Her body closes, her heart closes, everything closes (closed means no sex for the slow ones in the back),” he explained.

The coach also called out men for chasing physical connection while the foundation underneath them is completely cracked. He added, “Hoping that that one-time quickie will fix everything. Fix the emotional tone, and everything changes. Ignore it, and you'll keep wondering why the woman you love feels miles away.”

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