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‘Do your own thing’

Have problems with relationships, he has your answers

sex and relationships Updated: Jul 22, 2013 19:06 IST
Hindustan Times

I am in love with a girl from my class. We have been talking for a year but I haven’t said the three magical words to her. I’ve got to know that she’s broken up with the guy she was dating. Her friends are always with her and I’m afraid she may reject me. What should I do?
—Sidhant Chavan

Sidhant, please understand that in the 20th Century the three magical words are, “Will you pay?” If the answer to that is yes, then only are you on the right track. Now you’re right, proposing in front of the friends is romantic Hara Kiri, (Hara Kiri is a Japanese dish which contains no ajinomoto), and can cause you severe social embarrassment (which can last upto the next 27 years). So, please propose only when you are alone. Of course, if she’s there, it’s even better. Try and gauge if she’s that into you before asking her out.

I have a crush on a family friend. We go to the same tutor. I've known her since the fourth grade. We are really good friends. She has given me a few hints that she has feelings for me. But I'm not sure how to take our friendship to the next level. Please help.
—David Francisco

David, (a) Are you from San Francisco? (b) What kind of hints have you received? (c) What kind of tuitions are you going for? Why are you guys always in a rush to win? I mean, Tyson Gay and Asafa Powell were in a rush, and look what happened to them. Sometimes if she’s talking the talk, and you both are hanging out, it means you are already going out. So let nature take its own course. This is true for both love and moustaches.

I saw a girl and fell in love with her. Though she did notice me, I don’t know anything about her. I don’t know how to talk to her. Please suggest some pick-up lines.

The other day I saw a plant and really liked it. But we didn’t start seeing each other immediately. That would be too abrupt and dangerous, especially for the plant. Moin, love is not like buying potatoes, although today it’s cheaper. You can’t just look at someone and decide that this is it. Prehistoric man tried this technique and it rarely worked, so the poor fellow was forced to use his club to get her to see his point of view. Pick-up lines are worse than measles. Just say “hello”. Then the next day smile and say “hello” again. Very soon you’ll know if she is friendly, or you’ll understand why prehistoric man kept turning to his club.

I am not interested in the concept of falling in love, having boyfriends etc. I have been asked out many times. But my answer was always a no. I never found a good reason to love a guy because I’m happy being single.
Am I wrong?
— AM

Hey, there’s too much love in the world. I say why join the herd? Do your own thing. If you can avoid it, avoid it. The average person spends 40 per cent of his or her time in romance-related activities. The consequences of love are always unwanted things like children, pets, domestics and extra bills. Think of all that you can save, my friend. By the way the answer to your second question is no. There is absolutely no good reason to love a guy. So cheers and happy, non-loving.

First Published: Jul 22, 2013 14:13 IST