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The art of complaining: 5 mistakes you make while complaining to your partner

Ever wonder why your complaints against your partner are always met with a massive resistance? Experts tell us how to constructively complain to our partners to get us what we want.

sex and relationships Updated: Nov 22, 2017 11:40 IST
Abhinav Verma
Abhinav Verma
Hindustan Times
Sex and Relationship,The art of complaining to your partner,5 mistakes you are making while complaining to your partner
It’s imperative that we ought to be a bit sensitive while complaining to our partners. The key lies in constructively complaining and not criticizing.(Getty Images/Vetta)

It’s inevitable for partners to have minor complaints against each other because let’s face it, none of us our perfect. However, complaining to your partner in a relationship is tricky because you never know how your partner will react. Therefore, it’s imperative that we ought to be a bit sensitive while complaining to our partners. The key lies in constructively complaining and not criticizing. We got in touch with relationship experts Shivani Misri Sadhoo and Dr. Anil Sethi, who’ve given us a 5 point guide to follow while complaining to our partners.

1)Plan your conversation

The biggest mistake a partner can make while complaining, is rushing into it. When you rush into things then you are unable to articulate your points and convey what you actually want to. Plan the conversation in your head before you approach your partner. The points should be clear in your head so you can explain. Don’t criticize your partner, rather make them understand. This will ensure that your partner, rather than reacting, will focus on listening.

2)Don’t hulk out

Never, ever get angry and then complain to your partner. If you approach your partner angry and in a belligerent mood then it’s obvious your partner will react. When your voice is loud or the choice of words is unsavoury then your partner will not receive your complaint. They would perceive it as a put down or a personal attack. Always be calm and rational if you want your partner to register your complaint. Anger is always met with resistance.

3)One step at a time

It’s only natural that your partner will become defensive when you complain to them about them. Therefore, you don’t want them to shut down. Hence, you should go slow and don’t dump all of your complaints at once, one at a time. Also, it helps if you could give specific examples with your complaints so that your partner has a clear idea where he/she needs to work or improve on.

4)Complain to your partner only

Another mistake we make is that we end up complaining about our partner to our friends and not them. Imagine, your partner finds out from their or your friends that you have been complaining about them? It would certainly put a strain on your relationship. Such behaviour shows that you don’t trust your partner or you assume that will not understand the nature of the problem.

5)Venting it out

Venting out our problems can provide a cathartic release that can make us feel good. This is especially the case when the person with whom you are venting with, validates your every point. This will make you feel powerless in the long run and make you feel like a victim, which is not the case. If you want to vent then vent it with your partner and choose your words wisely.

First Published: Nov 19, 2017 13:52 IST