Valentine’s Day 2018: Is it awkward to plan your first date today? 6 tips to help you
We’ve listed a few expert-suggested do’s and don’ts that would help you see through this tough week and be a winner in your partner’s eyes.sex and relationships Updated: Feb 14, 2018 11:14 IST
So you’ve just started a relationship, and Valentine’s Day is giving you goosebumps trying to figure out if you should ask her out for a date on 14 February. Would asking for a date on V-Day make you look too wannabe? Or, should you simply let the week pass by, and plan your first move once the frenzy is over? Confused much?
Worry no more. We’ve listed a few expert-suggested do’s and don’ts that would help you see through this tough week and be a winner in your partner’s eyes.
What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?
First up, take some time out (preferably before V-Day) and ask yourself what the day means to you. Don’t make a big deal of the day just because the world around you is going crazy just because it is Valentine’s Day. Also, remember, you don’t need to make this day some sort of a milestone in your relationship. Not for now, at least.
“Avoid your first date on Valentine’s Day- I,” says Ahmedabad-based Raksha Bharadia, founder of Bonobology, a dating website for urban Indian couples. She adds, “Because one who is more into the relationship would want something more just because it is V-Day. It’s a day known for love. The problem is that a premature relationship can come under pressure. Avoid going out for the first time on Valentine’s Day.”
Of course, if you’re a hardcore romantic, this is the day you can prove it to your partner.
Be different, tell yourself it is ‘no special day’
You’d do well to start with a different mindset. Like Chandigarh’s Navneet Kapany, a mental health professional. He says, “Personally I don’t believe in a particular day to show your love and affection. You can make a memory or an occasion when you want to. We all know it’s more of a sales gimmick to make your loved one feel ‘special’.”
Talk, to yourself
Once you’re clear on what the day means to you, it’s time for more questions. Since you two have just hit it off (a budding relationship, in other words) and can’t claim you know your partner too well, here comes one more question: Should you go all out this day or take it easy?
One approach would be to talk to your partner and find out what he/she expects from you for the day. The key to the conversation? Keep it subtle, discreet.
“When traversing a new relationship, it is imperative that the people involved don’t feel the pressure to express their feelings for one another in a grand manner. Saint Valentine wouldn’t have wanted that,” says Divya Dureja, Delhi-based counseling psychologist and queer poet activist.
She adds, “In psychology, we follow a principle called ‘active listening’. It enables us to empathise with our client’s concerns. In a relationship, too, especially a new one, if you have been listening to your partner carefully, you would have a better understanding of their expectations and fears. Plan your day accordingly. Maybe plan an outing with friends if their comfort zone is with friends. Better still, ask them if they really want to commemorate the day or if they consider it a day like any other. Talking with your partner and listening to their concerns will help you plan a memorable day.”
Don’t go overboard
The worst thing you can ever do is blow up all those red and white heart-shaped balloons and go all candy floss on your partner. When you are not sure, bunk the expensive dinner. Instead of being grand, turn to simple gestures, like a small gift (not too expensive), because you don’t want your partner to be on the backfoot.
“If someone wants to go all out it’s their choice but you don’t have to do it. There is this unnecessary pressure now on being alone on Valentine’s Day. I think it’s better to be on your own rather than a not so nice person,” says Kapany.
Don’t be generic
Don’t just gift a box of chocolates to your valentine. It’s so generic. Give something your partner would like or is fond of. A book from his/her favourite author? The idea is simple: You need to make it obvious that you’ve put some thought into buying that gift.
You don’t have to say ‘I love you’
Only say ‘I love you’ when you mean it! You don’t need to stamp your relationship with any tag. Both of you could be fond of each other, and you certainly don’t need to classify the relationship. “If it’s a new relationship, you could just ‘I like the way this is going. I like the way we are finding our level with each other’. No I love you’s please,” says Bharadia.
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First Published: Feb 14, 2018 11:13 IST