I don't know how to process it: Shankar

After the latest twist to his CWG saga, the high jumper said he rarely sleeps now.

Tejaswin Shankar clearly remembers the night he last slept well. “June 10, the day I met the Commonwealth Games qualification mark,” he said. It's been almost a month since that heady day in Eugene, and Shankar is still searching for sound sleep. What is keeping the high jumper awake are not pre-tournament anxieties or punishing training plans, but news feeds on his possible participation at this month’s Commonwealth Games, set to begin in Birmingham on July 28.

Tejaswin Shankar (Instagram)

“I rarely sleep, man. Days are spent training, and by the time it’s night here, the day begins in India, so I keep scrolling my phone for any updates on my future. Even when there are no updates, the mind keeps wandering,” Shankar said from Kansas City in the USA.

On Thursday, when he read the news report of the CWG working committee refusing to accept his belated entry to the India squad, after the high jumper had moved court, because he wasn’t a like-for-like replacement, Shankar found himself wistfully smiling. The Athletics Federation of India (AFI) though has said it is still trying to get Shankar to the Games.

“Just the other day, I was so happy that I had finally made it to the CWG team. I even tweeted thanking all those who had supported me. Then came this blow. I almost felt like a fool. I don't know how to process it.” That explains the “just kidding” comment under the said tweet, conveying a tragicomedy not unknown to Indian sports.

The only recourse the 24-year-old has is immersing himself in training, irrespective of what pans out in the courtroom or in AFI corridors. "I don't have anything else in my control. The case is still in court, and the next hearing is on August 25, as scheduled. Whatever the CWG working committee decides is outside the purview of the court, but as an athlete, I cannot sit and sulk. I will return to training in full force. I read that AFI are still trying, so there is still a faint glimmer of hope. Even if the call comes a week before my event, I should be ready to give my best.

"Honestly, I know I may well be fooling myself into believing something that may never happen, but what choice do I have?

"My coach (Cliff Rovelto) is equally bemused. He doesn't know whether I am going to CWG or not, and it is really tough to explain all these things to a 75-year-old. Every day, I have been texting him about my participation status: one day I am out, the next day I am in court, next I am out again...today, I finally texted an apology for wasting his time, and pledged that I'll return to training with full intensity, irrespective of my participation," said Shankar.

Injury setback

The year has been an "emotional rollercoaster". Shankar started the NCAA indoor season with some impressive performances – a triple jump of 15.51m in January won him the Tri Meet in Lawrence, and a 60m time of 7.16 seconds helped him finish third at the DeLoss Dodds Invitational the same month.

“I knew I had six months to prepare for the CWG, so I was really pumped up and ready to give my best," he recalled. Then came the first setback. Sometime in February, he developed patellar tendinitis in his right knee, an injury to the tendon connecting the knee cap to the shin bone, a common occurrence among jumpers.

Shankar had to take Platelet-rich Plasma (PRP) injections, a therapy where one’s plasma is injected to the injured soft tissues to accelerate healing. “It takes about two weeks to take full effect, which meant much of my April, and indoor season, was gone.

"All I was left was May. I moved to decathlon to improve my fitness. Also, since the injury was to my take-off knee, I didn't want to put too much pressure on it by participating in intense high-jump events. I started training again and began working on pole vault, discus, and javelin."

In the meantime, he graduated from Kansas State University. His mother flew from India to be with him on his special day. Around the same time, this year's Asian Games were postponed, leaving Shankar to recalibrate goals.

"Again, it was such a cycle of highs and lows. While the knee injury was a setback, completing my Masters in Accounting was a special emotion. But then, Asian Games postponement left me with some thinking to do. Before the postponement, I wanted to participate in the decathlon in the Asiad and in the high jump in CWG, but the rescheduling meant I had to rework the training plans."

Soon, he came within touching distance of breaking the national decathlon record at the Big 12 Championships, logging 7592 points which was 66 shy of the mark. A month later, the CWG qualifying mark (2.27m) for high jump was met. Shankar's highs though were short-lived as the AFI selection committee ruled him out of the squad for missing the National Inter-State Meet in Chennai.

"As far back as in February, I had informed them that since NCAA Outdoor Championships will clash with the inter-state, I won't be able to make it to the latter. This was supposed to be my last NCAA and the competition is a lot tougher, so I wouldn’t have missed it. I also said I am ready for a trial in the US because all the Indian athletes were supposed to camp here anyway.

"I don't want to get into finger-pointing now. Yes, things could have been better, but I must credit AFI for at least sending my name later. I am sure they are doing their best," he said.

The legal recourse, Shankar said, was the only option left for him to claim a CWG berth. "I spent a fair amount of time weighing pros and cons, but then my mother made it easy for me. She said, 'Do what you feel is best. CWG comes once in four years, and if you have qualified for it, you deserve to be in the squad.' That simplified a lot of things."

The legal battle has come at a price though. When other athletes are training, Shankar is often on calls with his legal team at odd hours. "Just the other day I was joking with my friends that all of you are sitting with your coaches, and I am sitting with my lawyers. It is hilarious in a sad way. I wish things were different."

There is, however, a new chapter to look forward to. Shankar has landed a job as an Audit Associate with Deloitte in Kansas City. "All my life, I have managed studies with athletics, and I'll try to do the same with a full-time job," he quipped. For now, the cycle of anxious wait and sleepless nights continues.