'Maybe it was not meant to be'

It took one four train changes to find Mahesh Bhupathi. The Olympics loss has hit the doubles veteran hard. Sukhwant Basra in conversation with Mahesh Bhupathi. Mahesh says

It took one four train changes to find Mahesh Bhupathi. The Olympics loss has hit the doubles veteran hard. He is grieving. The man who took on public sentiment, risked his very participation in the Olympic Games to pair up with Rohan Bopanna and is now being labelled as the villain who ruined India's chances at a men's doubles medal, is closeted in the suburb of Kingston, away from all the action. He is not going to Wimbledon, he is not looking to watch the Games. Instead, he is holed up in his house wondering where it all went wrong. Excerpts.

Does playing for India really not mean anything to you?Not mean anything? Why would you say that? Playing for India means everything to me. Tennis being an individual sport, we don't get to do it often but there is no better feeling in the world.

That's the buzz on the social networks.... That you guys are anti-national and made a mockery of playing for the nation. That you are empty vessels that made a lot of sound.It's tough, after playing for India for 18 years - I have won so many matches representing India - and having won 12 Grand Slams. So, it's not fun seeing these so-called experts taking pot shots.

What does playing for India mean to you?It's an extremely special feeling that cannot really be explained or replicated. To be able to represent India since September '94.... It's a huge privilege for me. Like I said, we don't get the opportunity often enough so we wait eagerly for it to come around.

Did you put self before nation in the lead up to the Olympics?No. I and a lot of people who actually know the sport genuinely thought that we had a good shot of winning a medal and ... I really don't want to get into this controversy again as I have got a headache from it. But logic just doesn't allow any country sending in a team five times after they failed four times before on the Olympics stage. We thought we had an outside chance if we played well. Lot of favourites across disciplines have not delivered. We were not the hot favourites, unlike some others, but we definitely thought we had a chance if we played well but it wasn't meant to be.

Are you bothered about what the man on the street back home thinks of you?Don't think the man on the street is aware of the entire story, sadly. For me what people in the tennis world know, people close to me who understand matters. At the end of the day as long as we don't feel we let the country down - I know I let the team down that day for I didn't make the returns that I always do under pressure situations - but as far as letting the country down is concerned, we definitely did not do that.

You are a businessman. Public perception will matter for you...Of course. Nobody wants to be public enemy number one. And I can promise you that I am not. I wasn't being a spoilt child asking for something I didn't deserve. I just wanted to play with my two partners. These guys were my regular partners on tour (Rohan Bopanna and Sania Mirza).

After more than 18 years of playing for India, in the final stage of your career you are being labelled as a villain. Does that bother you?It's actually not bothering me at all. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that I could have played better and things could have been different in that match. The bottom line is that I have been able to achieve a lot of things that I set out to in my life. One of those - an Olympic medal - I won't achieve.

I have been thinking about this a lot and it came to me that in the last five Olympics 85 to 90% medal winners in doubles are less accomplished than me in the doubles game. And I have had a world class partner in every Olympics. So, maybe it's just not meant to be for whatever reason. I have won 650 matches on the doubles tour but when push came to shove it just didn't happen for me.

You guys are professionals, isn't it just another loss?Eight years ago it was just another loss. It's just another loss for Rohan, he is going to do everything he can to make it to Rio but for me it's the end of the road as far as Olympics go and that hurts. A loss usually takes a week to get over, this will take a month or two though, but sadly enough we have to bounce back and play in Toronto on Monday.

Does this hurt more?It hurt more for I put undue pressure on myself. I have never known myself not to deliver when the point is big. In both the matches, I was not able to play the kind of tennis that I know I can play for all this pressure probably built up to the point that I wanted it so much...No matter how well Rohan played, the fact that I was so tight didn't help at all.

Would you put an Olympic medal above your Grand Slams... above everything else?I would put it above a lot of my Grand Slams but if you tell me to give all 12 in exchange for one medal, probably not.

How long do you see yourself playing?I am going to evaluate it probably in the next six to eight weeks if I am going to play next year. And if I do play next year, that's going to be my last.

Sum it up for all those Indian tennis fans that you and Leander Paes denied so much joy over the years - why did you really split up?We just didn't get along. I don't beat around the bush, if I don't like something I say it up front. I am enamoured by the guy just as most people are but as a person I like to be treated with honesty like I do others and when that broke down between us, it all went South. I have always gone back whenever he has called. But we just don't get along. That's the bottom line, there is nothing more.

Do you resent that you have also been such a great achiever but Paes is seen as the face of Indian tennis?He is the face of Indian tennis, undoubtedly. His results speak for themselves - Davis Cup, Olympics etc. There was never a doubt that whoever he played with, they would do well here as he and Vishnu proved yesterday. All this mess could have been avoided if the federation took a stand early, which they didn't. I don't resent Leander what he has earned.