Popping my Star Wars cherry: Revenge of the Sith was a snooze-fest

  • Soumya Srivastava, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
  • Updated: Dec 24, 2015 17:31 IST
Rise, Lord Vader. (Lucasfilm)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens released on December 18 everywhere in the world but China and India (you can thank Dilwale and Bajirao Mastani for that). While the rest of humanity is frothing at the mouth with excitement, we are here waiting for Christmas (it releases here on December 25). But hold on, we have something you can chew on meanwhile.

I have watched more movies than there are stars in the sky and I feel not a sliver of humility in making such a proclamation. However, I still have not watched some really big ones (incredibly ashamed as I am to make this confession), like the $4.6bn Star Wars space saga — a colossus of entertainment that so many works after it have stood upon to reach for their own heights.

Star Wars made me feel alienated. It hurts when you see online rants and understand none of them. Obsessives would fight over which lightsaber is the best as I would stand there waiting for the conversation to move to Harry Potter instead.

But no more! I will not endure another decade of cluelessness as others around me bask in the glory of the new Star Wars movie. I will try to be one of them. I will join the Force.

Read: Popping my Star Wars cherry: What I thought about A New Hope

Read: Popping my Star Wars cherry: My thoughts on The Empire Strikes Back

Read: Popping my Star Wars cherry: What I thought about Return of the Jedi

In a span of six days I will watch the six movies in the order of their original release and share my thoughts on them. There are a lot of different opinions on how one should watch the series but I feel it is best to follow the original sequence as time intended. Here is what I thought about Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

The final showdown. (Lucasfilm)

The week-long ordeal finally ends. Deck the halls with boughs of relief! Wait, no, I am just over-reacting right now because I am so overwhelmed with the feat. Six movies in six days and it was not an easy task. I’d like to thank my mom, my dad and my stuffed bear for their immense support and patience. The journey was full of many ups and downs (looking at you, Phantom Menace) and while Revenge of the Sith did leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth, the overall experience has been nothing but extraordinary. But more on that later.

If I were to rank the prequels, it would go Attack of the Clones > Revenge of the Sith > The Phantom Menace. So yeah, this one didn’t disappoint me as much as Episode I. What I appreciated most was the back story. However, I do have some questions on why some things happened the way they did — like how can Anakin be not so sure about joining the Dark Side but just hours later go on to kill little Jedi babies (that little shiver from the Jedi kid when he sees Anakin draw his lightsaber… *gulp*)? Also, how can getting electrocuted make Chancellor Palpatine look like a Shar Pei?

So the movie begins and we are told that Palpatine has been kidnapped by Count Dooku. Of course (as Admiral Ackbar) would say it, ‘It’s a trap’. Palpatine encourages Anakin to kill Dooku and gullible little Vader acquiesces and from that moment on, they are BFFs.

General Grivous is like an angrier and sicker Kejriwal. (Lucasfilm)

The opening sequence was nothing fancy or amazing except the part where R2D2 electrocutes the living daylights out of a droid who wanted to rip his head off. Anakin and Obi-Wan are out on a mission, in flying pods, shooting at droids as they try to save Count Dooku. We meet our new villain, General Grievous and he is just plain comical. He coughs like Kejriwal and walks like the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. In short, not scary at all.

Padme is preggers and that’s perhaps the only thing she is in this movie. Her job here is to walk around with a swollen belly and stay unaware as hubby dear turns to the Dark Side.

Anakin Skywalker is slowly drifting to the Dark Side and losing faith in the Jedi. The reason he joins the Dark Side was not just that he always had a little darkness him but also because of the love he had for Padme. He did all that to save his wife from certain death and not necessarily to be the most powerful Sith lord in the universe. And to have done so much and still not be able to save her is crushing.

Padme gives birth to Luke and Leia. (Lucasfilm)

The sequence where he fights Obi-Wan at the volcano planet is long but doesn’t take a toll on your eyes. Anakin’s death and Vader’s birth is also pretty sad to watch.

Back when Anakin was but a learner and before he became the master. (Lucasfilm)

The rest of the movie is full of chatroom sessions. Everyone is talking like it is their last day in the Galaxy. Palpatine is chatting with Anakin, Anakin with Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan with Yoda, everyone with everyone and it makes the movie mighty boring.

While it was near impossible for me to keep my eyes open after the first hour of the film, I still made it through the end only to watch Anakin die and see how they close the prequels. It was a beautiful backstory though it could have been told a little better.

Read: Star Wars The Force Awakens review: It will turn you into a fan

Readers, I will tell you the truth (catch the Jane Eyre reference? I always wanted to try that). I watched The Force Awakens just two hours before this one and hence you can imagine why I was not interested in keeping awake for Episode III. If you remember, in my last piece I said that I can feel a Force awakening with me and now, after Episode VII, I can tell without a sliver of doubt that I have joined the Star Wars side.

The series is not perfect and it is surely not devoid of loopholes but it very rare to come across something that is so follow-able. You watch it, you discuss it, you form theories on what is what, who is who and you buy collectibles as the final stamp on your ticket to the fandom and last night, I did all of these things. Proof:

While I do not agree that the series is great in content, spotless in logic and the epitome of science fiction, I am a fan of Star Wars.

Tatooine sunset: Redux. (Lucasfilm)

The author tweets as @soumya1405

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