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All you single people

It’s time you stopped – being single that is. It’s awful. How? Let us count the ways

brunch Updated: Jul 14, 2012 19:42 IST
Saudamini Jain
Saudamini Jain
Hindustan Times
Carrie Bradshaw,Barney Stinson,Liz Lemon

But single people on TV look so happy, you think. Carrie Bradshaw, Barney Stinson, Liz Lemon, Charlie Harper, Bridget Jones… Zooey Deschanel also plays a newly single girl in New Girl, which just premiered on Star World, you add. They party, get drunk and gain an enviable amount of sexual experience. Single is smart, savvy and oh-so-sexy, you insist.

Moment of truth: Pop culture is lying to you. This is how life really works for the unattached:

1. No sex

Hooking up with the hot girl in a little dress or that Ivy League boy with an accent at a party happens roughly once in six months. The world isn’t full of swingers. Sex for single people is a tub of chocolate ice cream while watching The Ugly Truth.

Bridget2. The Ex

You know what can go wrong at the aforementioned drunken party? A phone call, a text or worse, a long email to the ex. You can blame the vodka for drunk dialling your ex, but the truth is, it’s because you’re alone.

3. The cupid family

There’s no escape from matchmaking. “Ajay uncle’s niece is a lovely girl. She bakes also,” says your mum. “Aneeta aunty’s sister-in-law’s cousin just got a job in Bangalore. He’s an engineer and an MBA!” says your masi. Your married sister thinks that since you couldn’t find everlasting love in college (unlike her) you should meet these people and live happily ever after (like her).

4. The friends and their pity

Soon, you’ll reach an age when all your friends will be in serious relationships. Before you know it, you’re godfather to somebody’s scrawny newborn. And couples only talk about couple stuff. They sometimes talk in baby voices, fight in public and ignore the third wheel (that is you). If you don’t find someone to hang with you when you’re hanging with them, you’ll either lose your friends or your sanity.

5. The scarlet tag

Everything you say is a come-on. Every time you talk to a colleague/a friend/a friend’s friend of the opposite sex, the world ‘just senses’ the undercurrent of an illicit romance. Two single people cannot talk. One of them is hitting on the other. Often, the single person is hitting on the one attached. Single people are all home-breakers, didn’t you know?

Brunch6. The loneliness

Like singer Rihanna woefully admits, “You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now.” It’s nice to have someone to talk to after a bad day at work. The rules of a relationship bind people to put up with each other. You cannot spend every evening watching reruns of The Simpsons. Meh!

7. The dilemma

After every date, you wonder for hours, “Could he/she be the one?” If not, you go out there again searching for The One. Another date, “Is this one the one?”

8. The fear

Of becoming a crazy cat lady or the creepy old man who sits on benches and stares at little girls. It could be you.

All The Single Ladies

Liz Lemon in 30 Rock is married to her uber cool job, in a fromance with her boss Jack Donaghy and manages to turn a head every now and then... Too good to be true?

Bridget Jones has a fling with her hot boss and then finds love with a barrister. Happily ever after. Bridget Jones’ Diary is a modern-day fairy tale

Carrie Bradshaw, the ‘single’ writer has Mr Big eating out of her hands. The show is called Sex And The City for Christ’s sake!


Stranger Than Fiction: These single boys aren’t for real

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother is smooth, always suits up (the ladies love it) and has the best pick-up lines. In life, there is no such thing as a good pick-up line

Charlie Harper, the alcoholic playboy in Two And A Half Men, gets more women than is fair. Agreed. But when he doesn’t, he gets a hooker. That’s not exactly healthy

From HT Brunch, July 15

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First Published: Jul 13, 2012 10:59 IST