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Friday, Aug 23, 2019

Have a smashing New Year ahead!

We know we’ve spent this year’s Wellness pages giving you 101 reasons to sip wheatgrass juice. But Saturday’s the last day of the year!

brunch Updated: Dec 24, 2011 20:17 IST

Hindustan Times

We know we’ve spent this year’s Wellness pages giving you 101 reasons to sip wheatgrass juice. But Saturday’s the last day of the year!

Here are 12 good reasons to knock back something stronger:

One- It’s a tradition
Just like we’ve hung on to the English language, red tape and Rashtrapati Bhavan from the bad old British days, the custom of having a drink (or 12) while we see out the old year and bring in the new is one that we cling to like limpets.

Though January 1 has long been off the list of official public holidays (based on the claim that we have too many official public holidays, how ridiculous), we don’t mind that we most likely have to work after a sloshing December 31. That’s because our bosses are so hungover on New Year’s Day, that they’re not there to see that we’re not there.

Two- Out with the old...
Think about what you invariably think about at 11.59 pm every December 31. Yes... Your New Year’s resolutions. The second the hand of the clock ticks past 12, you’ll have to transform from the easy-going, abdominally free party animal that you are, into a Grade A saint. Last chance for a drink...

New Year cartoonThree- Down with dictatorships

Right wing political organisations, fundamentalist religious organisations, anti-corruption organisations, governments, your nutritionist, your significant other, and oddly, the excise department… All appear to have only one thing on their minds to keep you dry for life.

Straighten your back, raise your head high, wave a flag with drawing of a mug and cocktail sticks on it and have another drink.

Four- You’re not paying for the booze
So this shows your kanjoos side. So what? You must otherwise be a nice person (or the local don), or why would people invite you to their party? And the great thing about New Year’s Eve parties is that their hosts are in show-off mode.

So unlike at other parties where champagne flows like water in the Sahara desert (i.e., not), at New Year’s parties, you can drink like there’s no tomorrow.

Five- Beware the budget
If January begins in just a few hours, can the budget be far away? Given the government’s attitude to fuel in 2011 (hike prices so we stop buying it), in 2012 it may turn its beady eye on human fuel (i.e., booze). Build up your dutch courage while you can.

Six- Ancient mexicans said the world would end in 2012
Since modern Mexicans claim this end of the world thing is just a misunderstanding and there are no ancient Mexicans left to explain their intentions, let’s not risk it. This could be the last New Year’s Eve ever. Have another drink.

Seven- You don’t have a date (or you do)
Second in importance only to the night of Valentine’s Day (on account of the need to kiss at the stroke of midnight or turn into a kaddu), if you’re escort-less on New Year’s Eve, you immediately become the most pitied person on the planet. So you need that drink. But a date on New Year’s Eve isn’t all cootchie-coos. Because if this person is your significant other, she or he will immediately turn into something resembling Sushma Swaraj or Anna Hazare with strong views on alcohol (against). You need that drink.

Eight- You’re not getting any younger
Even if it isn’t your birthday, you’re about to turn another year older. Have another drink, Uncle (or Aunty).

Nine- The party season is ending
There’s nothing coming up after this except various other New Year’s Days which we don’t celebrate with parties; Holi, which tells us that – aarrgghhh – summer’s here; and exams, taxes and budgets. So head to the bar you need a drink.

Ten- So you can be a friend
Empathy makes the world go round, so if you want to feel one with the world on January 1, you’d better have a hangover just as bad as those of your friends or you may not have friends left. For the record phone calls at the crack of dawn on January 1 from bouncy people babbling about the perfect opportunity to bird watch are NOT appreciated. So have a drink.

Eleven- Save the designated driver
Face it, being the only person not allowed to drink because she or he has got to ferry inebriated people home is hard. So hard that we can’t trust this person not to have a swig or 12 on the sly. So it’s your Duty to finish up all the alcohol on the premises of the party, just so there’s none left for the designated driver. So, go on, have a drink.

Twelve- January 1, 2012, is a Sunday
And, for many people, that’s a holiday! Feel free to have another drink!

From HT Brunch, December 25

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First Published: Dec 24, 2011 12:12 IST

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