Humour: The five most overrated trends of 2019!

Nothing breaks the monotony of daily life than a hot trend rippling through the zeitgeist. More often than not, these fads rush in like waves, leaving one soaking in displeasure. Many of us have lived through pool parlour and fidget spinner obsessions. Suffered vuvuzelas and EDM. Even endured frozen yogurt and Game of Thrones zealots. Here’s a list of overrated trends I would happily see the back of.

Intermittent fasting

16/8 is the new keto, whatever that word means. I scarcely attend a party or a meeting without someone bringing up this fearsome fraction. For the lucky few whose social lives haven’t been marred by this heinous fad, it’s a diet that demands you pick an eight-hour window where you can eat, and fast for the remaining 16 hours of the day. Most of the specious arguments defending the practice begin with the all-purpose phrase: “The human body is geared to…” The moment this salvo is fired at a health-conscious gathering, it’s time to jump for the canapes, no doubt made of kale, quinoa and wishful thinking. My motto in this regard is a friend’s equally judgmental and consoling WhatsApp display image: People who enjoy life rarely have a flat stomach.

Jumpsuits

This confounding piece of fashion has an obvious shortcoming that only the very style conscious can surmount. An episode of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Crashing tackles the “onesie” problem in the most outlandish way possible. Caught in a bathroom emergency, the whimsical character Lulu literally tears her way out of the ensemble. A friend has to loan her his shirt so the meeting they were at can continue. Let this be a warning to all those who have been seduced by this wily garment. It lures you with its simplicity and then, just when you’re least expecting it, reduces you to utter helplessness. The tag on the outfit should carry a safety warning.

Avocado

You’ll find it slathered on toast. Mashed in guacamole. Blitzed in a smoothie. Now it would be absurd to deny this versatile and healthful fruit its rightful place in woke lifestyles. But all I’m saying is, let’s not get carried away. Anyone who’s brought a few of these pear-shaped superfoods home knows how difficult it is to determine their readiness. You wrap them in newspaper, hoping the scary headlines will soften them in an instant. Instead, they remain raw for days. And when you give them some time and space, they turn overripe and inedible. The window of ripeness opens and shuts quicker than train bookings around Diwali. I once dared to make a guacamole out of the Mexican-born fruit. I called it Frida Kha-lo. It was okay, but there’s more to life than a perfectly ripe avo.

Hipster beards

Now here’s a trend whose roots grow stronger every day. From Virat Kohli to Vicky Kaushal, many are the men who’ve been swayed, and with mixed results. I count myself among the supporters of hirsute gentlemen, but a limit has been reached. It’s time to run the razor over the misconception that facial hair makes one instantly wise or literary, charming or enigmatic. Strands of grey hair do not an intellectual make. Let’s bring back chins and cheeks. It’s time for the smiles lurking behind facial foliage to reassert themselves. (Kohli and Kaushal, however, are allowed theirs.)

Facebook check-ins

What is the correct reaction to someone announcing they have checked into Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport? Are they looking for support? Hankering for appreciation? Eager to draw envy? All of the above? Ditto hotels and restaurants, malls and cinema halls. In glorious opposition to the fight against online surveillance is our constant need to provide data about our personal lives. Some of us do it overtly; others more cleverly. But the check-in impulse is everywhere. If I were to piece together the lives of some Facebook friends, it would be a trail of five-star vacations in exotic destinations, in perfect light and with perfect hair. Time for a reality check-in?

Rehana Munir’s first work of fiction titled Paper Moon is now on stands

From HT Brunch, November 17, 2019

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