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Guest Column | Of Queen’s English being ‘nun’ too easy
What with the Queen’s exit and what with the Indianisation of dictionaries with desi dialect, it will be a good ‘timepass’ to wait and watch what fate befalls Queen’s English
The show goes on, for better or for Twitterverse.
The Queen’s long rule as a monarch has ended. But the way she still rules, the social media, can only happen in these digital times. The royal hashtag outlives the Raj.
She continues to reign Twitterverse now with trending debates that define her exit. Her new crown, hot hashtag-eism.
The Queen’s rule Vs the new King’s rule.
The relevance-of-monarchy rhetoric.
What India Wants - Should she be state mourned or not.
The political correctness of it all or the lack of it.
“Grave” debates indeed.
As for much of our generation of convent-bred citizenry, the only correctness that does connect us to the late British monarch is that thing which nuns dutifully and diligently drilled into our systems – Queen’s English.
The conditioning of our constitutions to Queen’s English began with, not “Kane and Abel”, but with the cane. What with our Sister Patricia & Co (“Patty”, popularly or unpopularly) knocking on our knuckles with a cane to get not just our P’s and Q’s right, but to school us to also correctly our O’s and U’s write.
Of P’s & Q’s and Patricia
“In Queen’s English, it’s ‘neighbour’, not ‘neighbor’; ‘it’s demeanour’, not ‘demeanor’,” the convent czarina’s voice would crackle higher than the whip.
To one’s nubile adolescent mind, this was a lesson learnt well. In those days of suffering crushes on every cute dude next door, in Queen’s English what this meant was that “Love thy neighbour” had to do, not so much with preventing parents from getting a clue, but with an added “U”.
“Patty” made sure we got the “ethics” write, too. You don’t try to “maneuver” people around, you “manoeuvre” things, we were told. That Indians were pretty good at outmanoeuvring Queen’s English, we learnt later.
We owe it to Patty for us getting this right.
The curious case of the Raj meets ‘Judg-e-ment’ Day.
Of Patty to Prem Ji’s pencil
As adolescence gave way to adulthood, the drilling of Queen’s English passed from the hands of the “Pattys” to the “Prems”. Rather, the instrument of drilling shifted from the cane of dread to the pencil red.
When we arrived as wide-eyed new Subs (sub-editors) at a newspaper office post post-graduation, our seniors did regale with many a tale. How when yesteryear Subs were summoned to the hallowed chamber of then Editor-in-Chief Prem Bhatia first thing in the morning to have ‘dark’ circles in red ink thrust under tremulous noses, it did bespeak their blatant betrayal of Queen’s English.
To test whether we were sticklers for Queen’s English, we were given some of the Editor’s favorite words to spell at the selection of Subs - haemorrhage to diarrhoea.
How our Chief Subs Guri, Virdi & Co would treat us to verbal diarrhoea if we didn’t get the Brit “o” into it.
The later drilling of Queen’s English happened, mercifully, with signature sophistication and style.
Thanks to etiquette coach and television host Sabira Merchant.
Her “What’s the Good Word” was to Doordarshan what later “Kaun Banega Crorepati” has been to Sony or Star Plus.
That our “Bibles” for Queen’s English -- Wren & Martin, Oxford English Dictionary (OED) & Co – are now dishing out a dilution, was underscored on Hindi Diwas this week.
The Indianisation of OED with colloquialisms like “chamcha’ to “timepass’ to ‘jugaad” may either be in keeping with the Indian spirit of linguistic jugaad, or may be our way of getting back at British “dadagiri”.
When we talk of our schooling in Queen’s English, how can Shashi Tharoor be far behind! Tharoorisms have done for it on Twitter what “What’s the Good Word” did on the idiot box.
Talking of custodians, one wonders what would have been Sister Patricia’s floccinaucinihilipilification on the farrago of Tharoorisms.
The curious case of “Queen’s English is ‘nun’ of your business!”
chetnakeer@yahoo.com
