Guest Column: Cyber bullying and parents stuck in denial

Cyberbullying can take various forms, from a small hurtful comment to cyberstalking, but there are definitely ways to stay a step ahead

It is said that denial is not just a river in Egypt. It can be a psychological defence as well — a state when one is aware of all that’s unfolding, but is not able to process it all.

As per a report published by McAfee, 85% of Indian children have been subject to some form of cyberbullying. (Shutterstock)

It looks like Indian parents are stuck in denial when it comes to the grim reality of their children having free access to smartphones throughout the day and even carrying a device to bed, naively believing that a nine-year-old would be using the internet responsibly.

To be fair to them, the digital life was pressed upon kids when the pandemic forced schools to shift to the online mode, necessitating each child to be in possession of at least one device.

Far from their schoolmates during the Covid-19 days and with social interaction drastically cut down, once the online classes got over in the afternoons, they again turned to their devices for recreation and to stay in touch with their classmates who had created WhatsApp groups.

Many parents who had been firm about smartphone usage before the pandemic hit, have now softened their stance.

Post Covid-19, life returned to normal, but many children were now spending more than six hours on screens each day as studies showed.

Shockingly, sixth graders were freely allowed to create and operate their own social media profiles. I was flabbergasted when I saw 11-year-old girls pouting and posing for their Instagram stories!

I could not fathom how children at that vulnerable age could be allowed to face the perils of the world of social media where one’s self-worth can often be attached to the number of likes on their posts; or where unrealistic beauty standards being churned out by the influencers can seriously impact their own body image or where comparisons with someone else leading a cooler and more Instagram-worthy life can induce a dissatisfaction with the one they are leading.

Also, with pornography being freely doled out on these platforms, that can be easily or even accidentally found by children, how far can one ensure that the child is watching only age-appropriate content?

Every time I tried to engage fellow parents into a conversation, the responses were similar. “They are digital natives. You can’t keep them away from technology.”

“How long can you stop them?”

“I keep checking the phone regularly. Nothing objectionable there.”

Eventually, phone-addiction set in. By the time parents woke up to it, they realised that they could not reclaim the control they had unwittingly relinquished.

Their ability to play cop fell woefully short of the technological acumen the kids in this era possess and they stayed blissfully unaware till cases of children indulging in inappropriate texting, hacking and harassment began to be reported not in distant cities but closer home.

As Jonathan Haidt has rightly pointed out in his book,The Anxious Generation, “We have overprotected kids in the real world and under-protected them online”!

No wonder, today India has the dubious distinction of being the global capital of cyberbullying. As per a report published by McAfee, 85% of Indian children have been subject to some form of cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying can take various forms ranging from sending offensive texts, cyberstalking, creating fake profiles, trolling and revealing someone’s sensitive information.

There are ways through which we can control the damage. Delay the possession of a smartphone by the child for as long as possible, at least till they are in their mid-teens.

Also, it takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to keep addiction and bullying at bay too. Engage with the parents of your child’s classmates to make having social media accounts too early a taboo rather than a norm. Insist on gadget-free play dates.

Having a heart-to-heart conversation with the child, asking them to be vigilant on online platforms like not opening messages from strangers or forwarding email links to others. Reassure them that in case of an untoward incident, they should not hesitate to reach out to you. And when they do, do not overreact.

Make use of parental control features and apps like Cocospy, xMobi, iKeyMonitor to stay in the loop about your children’s online activities.

Sensitising children about the effect of an off-the-cuff remark on someone’s post can also go a long way. Have these conversations with them, address issues like the need for power, seeking validation, envy etc. so they are more mindful of how social media platforms can affect them and others psychologically.

rupymand@gmail.com

(The writer is a Jalandhar-based freelance contributor.)