E-Paper
Spice of life | Of tough beginnings, reluctant acceptances
Our society is still stuck in a time warp, having failed to keep up with the passage of time and demands of change in mindsets, particularly when it comes to according even-handed respect to both genders
Are girls really equal to boys? The answer from many may be ‘yes’, thereby hangs a nagging query; are they really rendered an impartial welcome when two or three girls are born on the trot?
Post my second delivery, my groggy state was knocked to attention when my sister-in-law nestling the newbie in her arms made a sarcastic smirk, “Four girls in a row,” after adding my first daughter and her own two daughters in the total tally. Beneath the veneer of superficial compliments and theatrical cheers, there indeed lay an undercurrent of disappointment among my folks over my failure to break the jinx of the string of girls born in our family in recent years.
A pall of gloom descended as I stepped into my in-laws’ home after getting discharged and compounding the situation further were all those distant kith and kin who extended their half-hearted wishes, emphasising upon braving the untoward news as an undecipherable plan of the Almighty that made their veiled congratulations sound more like condolences. A neighbour went a step ahead and whispered that I shouldn’t lose hope as there’s an impending third chance to complete our so-called “incomplete family”, caring two hoots for my health post the Caesarean section.
Some quirky tales reached me as a friend shared her travails after giving birth to twin daughters after already having a baby girl. This unexpectedly awkward situation left her mother-in-law distraught and she broke the news to her son, who was then posted in Japan, allusively that God had dropped two bombs onto their home the way they were dropped onto the twin cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II.
My maternal aunt recalled how she was tortured mentally by her orthodox in-laws for giving birth to two daughters in successive years besides facing consistent pressure to try their ‘luck’ at the earliest. Thankfully for her, their third chance brought the desired fruit.
A call from an ex-colleague blew away the cloud of negativity. She always wanted a baby boy but suffered a miscarriage. It took her many years of waiting, including repeated counselling and treatments to conceive their second baby and when eventually a baby girl was born, her arrival was celebrated even more so than a boy as they’re not spoilt for choices now.
My supportive husband and I cut a cake to welcome our second daughter whole-heartedly, overlooking the skeptical glances of many.
Surviving the tempest of tough beginnings and reluctant acceptances in patriarchal realms, girls have walked shoulder-to-shoulder and many even stood head and shoulders above their counterparts. Nevertheless, many of us struggle to mark our first arrival with as much pompous fanfare as a baby boy tends to draw. Our society is still stuck in a time warp, having gloomily failed to keep up with the passage of time and demands of change in mindsets, particularly when it comes to according even-handed respect to both genders under all conditions and circumstances.
The message is loud and clear: In their perpetual quest for attaining equality in all domains, girls are deemed unequal, some even are more unequal than others hoping for witnessing a well-rounded holistic change in the entire societal ecosystem that has unfortunately been awaited for ages. shailza3116@gmail.com
The writer is a Kharar-based freelance contributor
