Guest Column: Misleading silences and the power of words

Women are often expected to be mute spectators to everything that happens around them, with some even failing to find the voice to speak of their own suffering

I often hear male relatives appreciate young women who happen to be quiet, composed and soft-spoken as being “well brought-up”.

Real strength lies in making oneself heard. (Shutterstock)

I would wonder why the mute-mode is considered an asset. More often than not, I would try and gauge the upbringing to work on my own yardstick, as I raised my daughters. Somehow, whatever else I carried forward from my own parents to them, could never instil into their heads to overstretch their resilience, just to tell the world how “well brought-up” they were.

We are a privileged lot, living in the era of communication. Many of us grew up in the times of telegrams and hand-written letters. The most important of messages needed a disciplined format to be communicated. Now of course, social media provides a platform where each opinion gets a voice and an audience. Yet, even in an era like the present, we stifle many voices for our convenience.

Born strong

I remember when my elder daughter was born, the doctor in a casual conversation in the operation theatre asked the paediatrician whether she had checked the gender. As the paediatric responded saying it’s a girl, my gynaecologist smiled. No worries then, a girl is not much of a task, they are born strong naturally. I silently promised myself, I would never allow the natural strength to wane off.

Providence has insured it, for a reason. A well-meaning human being has a heart that feels, a mind that thinks and an expression that enriches. We are all entitled to our little space in the world that we have inherited. We leave the comfort zone and the secure warmth of our homes to create another, yet it takes forever to do away with the outsider tag.

The happiness quotient lies in giving more and taking less. Most importantly, there’s a natural osmosis that spaces you in the right proportion to your need in the new abode. A little acceptance is a big reward.

“Kinne hi registan, apni hond vich jazab kar; Eh samundar jehi shaqsiyat, duniya di nazar keeti hai (You have abs)”

I often say this of women at large. Many generations ago, each mother, probably, asked her daughter to learn to “bear” as it was expected of a woman. Bear what? How much? There were no lines drawn.

A woman was the foundation that bore the weight of the entire building. Most battles, however, became silent submissions to insensitive behaviour. A stray remark outside, a cutting barb inside her four walls, everything was dealt with silence. Society targets the weakest. Headlines scream out injustice. We read and turned the page. Somewhere, a group of women activists takes to the roads. Authorities take action, maybe a little late in the day. And then what? The victim is supposed to feel grateful for the compensation after the spectacle. Does it heal the violated psyche? Is there any kind of remedy that can erase the trauma of such a heinous act? It is not just Manipur.

Thousands of such grave incidents happen everywhere, everyday because we have not learnt the basics of humanity. Just treat women with respect. Your strength, your very existence and your future, stems from her.

Yes, it’s a law and order situation. But then, what’s stopping you to teach the gentlemen at home to make a beginning. An academic degree doesn’t guarantee a civilised mindset. How well brought up you are, doesn’t reflect in your silence, but in your words.

bubbutir@yahoo.com

(The writer is a Chandigarh-based freelance contributor.)