Malavika’s Mumbaistan: Reading between the Acronyms

A Coded Rendition Of Names Yielding Meaning’- Originally invented to make a string of words easier to remember (as in: ‘A Coded Rendition Of Names Yielding Meaning’ which incidentally happens to be an acronym of ‘acronym’), they often have hidden allusions that can be quite hilarious

Ever since a self–styled ‘stay-at-home daughter’ and social media influencer recently went viral on social media and captured the public imagination for sharing that her ‘only and main’ job was to spend her parent’s money –sometimes up to a whopping 50,000 USD ( ₹39,62,965) a day - on luxury goods and obscenely expensive facials, she has earned a legion of worshipful followers, desiring her life of runaway conspicuous consumption and extravagance.

Most of these 81.3K followers, who post comments like ‘❤beautiful inside & out’, and, ‘could you be more amazing?’, seem to be unaware that the account could well be a parody of the current syndrome, given that its handle ‘stay-at-home daughter’ clearly spells the acronym ‘SAD’. (HT)

Most of these 81.3K followers, who post comments like ‘❤beautiful inside & out’, and, ‘could you be more amazing?’, seem to be unaware that the account could well be a parody of the current syndrome, given that its handle ‘stay-at-home daughter’ clearly spells the acronym ‘SAD’.

Acronyms are funny things. Originally invented to make a string of words easier to remember (as in: ‘A Coded Rendition Of Names Yielding Meaning’ which incidentally happens to be an acronym of ‘acronym’), they often have hidden allusions that can be quite hilarious.

For instance, who isn’t familiar with the meanings given over the ages to the names of iconic car brands by irate owners? As in: FORD (Fix Or Repair Daily); JEEP (Just Expect Every Problem); and PORSCHE (Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything’); these, along with the acronyms alluded to everyday words we use such as HOME (House Of My Errands); WORK (Whiny, Overwhelming Recreation-Killer) and MALL (Money Accepted, Long Lines) have come to pass into the common lexicon.

Well, in the convention of such things, here are a few of the week’s headlines offered with their correspondingly appropriate acronyms.

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London’s rapidly unspooling political crisis and Boris Johnson’s breathtaking brazenness to try and cling on to his PM -ship by the skin of his teeth, in the face of every conceivable reason to quit, before the run up to his embarrassing resignation as party leader on Thursday, offered up some delicious acronyms as expected. ‘Boris Ultimately Falls From Objectionable Obstinate Narcissism’ (BUFFOON) was the more obvious one that came to mind, along with the catchier ‘This Hombre Is Crazy- Krazee’ ( THICK ); or even the pithier ‘This Waffler Is Trouble’ or ‘ Toffs Will Invite Tribulations’ (TWIT); of course the most indicting would be ‘This Rogue Ultimately Malfunctioned Period 2’ (TRUMP 2).

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Another set of delicious acronyms emanating from London are on the occasion of all of Bollywood including Alia Bhatt, Kareena Kapoor Khan, Karan Johar, Saif Ali Khan, Karisma Kapoor, Amrita Arora, Sara Ali Khan, Manish Malhotra, Shahid and Mira Kapur and Shibani and Farhan Akhtar converging on the UK capital for the silly season; dining at Anabel’s, the Arts Club and MiMi Mei Fair; luxuriating as if to the manor born at nearby country castles; cheering on the sidelines of gay parades, and cuddling cosily on the English Chanel, what else would the phenomena give rise to but the acronyms: ‘Bollywood London Insiders Natty Gang’ (BLING) and ‘ Besties Love Accessorizing Selfie Tableaux’ (BLAST) or even: ‘Great Ostentatious Times In The Fab London Air Unwinding Nattily Till In Tabloids!’(GOT IT FLAUNT IT)…

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When it comes to politics, who can forget the headline-making junket spree ( read: ‘study tour’ ) of Delhi and Gujarat undertaken by elected representatives of Karnataka while their state was being battered by flooding and incessant rain? Ostensibly to research the Panchayati Raj system, the MLAs representing parties across the board were accompanied by family members and were alleged to have stayed at picturesque hotels and visited popular tourist spots and leisure resorts on taxpayer money and state expenses. This comes on the heels of an earlier study tour to Leh, where they enjoyed similar salubrious climes. Surely acronyms such as: ‘Surely Erroneous Rackets Indulged Only Unwarranted So Lawmakers Yippee?’ (SERIOUSLY?) or the more stringent ‘Such Hair-raising Apathy Merits Enquiry!’ (SHAME !) are called for.

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As for the incessant Mumbai rain for the past few days rendering its roads waterlogged, traffic movement affected, building collapses, delayed trains, injuries to life and limb and much disruption in the lives of its ordinary citizens, especially daily commuters, the headlines tell their own story of citizen’s anger over the city being caught unprepared due to lack of planning on the part of authorities once again. ‘Unerringly Not Painless Rains Every Damn Instance Catches The Area Badly Leaving Erosion’ (UNPREDICTABLE) and ‘Commuters Irate, Trains Yanked, Really Enough Egregious Lapses Sir!’ (CITY REELS ) and ‘Aiyo Get Adequate Infrastructure No !!?’ (AGAIN !!?) come to mind.

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Lastly, for all the vitriol the hate the indefensible and horrifying violence being unleashed across the nation from both ends of the loony fringe, on statements made in the heat of the moment or deliberately to provoke extreme emotions between people and communities, leading to tragedies and death, there’s only one thing to say in today’s unfortunate heightened polarised situation: ‘Please Eliminate Abominable Communal Allusions’ (PEACE) and the more suitable ‘Sagacity Has Always Nurtured True Humane Indians’ (SHANTHI)…