Over the last few weeks, I remained indoors due to a stomach bug followed by a throat infection. As I spent time recovering—cutting back on therapy sessions and allowing myself to rest—I realised that, after a long time, I was truly spending time with myself. To begin with, I was restless and almost at odds with myself.
It made me recognise that for months I had surrendered myself to work and managing family and social commitments. The little time I would have left, I would spend that watching television, scrolling through my phone, or planning the next set of to-do lists As human beings we all struggle with the urge to do something rather than nothing, and maybe that’s why consciously or subconsciously our phones, and social media accounts have become like our security blankets. Sometimes I wonder whether we’re starting to spend more time each day looking at our phones and screens than at the people we love.
What’s most striking is we don’t recognize this and let our lives be consumed by mindless television or social media. The reality is that our life– from our twenties through our late fifties–often feels like an endless checklist: goals to accomplish, money to save, people to care for, building a career. This is driven by the belief that if we work hard enough during these years, we’ll be secure and at ease in our sunset years. A pattern that’s echoed in therapy sessions from clients across genders. As I reflected on these last couple of weeks, I realised how the years have quietly slipped by, and somewhere along the way, I unconsciously fell into a rhythm of running on a hamster wheel—constantly trying to solve one problem after another. I don’t know when exactly I shifted into the “doing mode” instead of simply being—of allowing myself to pause, to exist without constantly filling every empty moment. It’s ironic how I am good at processing and sitting with difficult feelings for other people, and yet, I seem to have forgotten that I need to do the same. I have had the same insight many times over the years, and yet implementing and making it part of my daily life has been tough. A friend once told me that we tend to repeat the same three or four patterns in our lives, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to break or change them.
Over the last two weeks, I kept the phone away, to just sit. It started with just ten or fifteen minutes in which time my monkey brain tried to convince me that maybe I should go for a quick walk, squeeze in some exercise, or reorganize my bookshelf instead. I tried to sit down and watch my thoughts, feelings without actively participating in them or trying to push them away. In the process, I noticed that even within that space, my mind kept trying to predict where my thoughts would go next, and how they would eventually resolve themselves. This would be followed invariably by a little inner voice telling me how distracted I am. In this time I also began to sense that thoughts and feelings, when watched without a desire to make them go away, change form and often slip away. It was a reminder of their impermanence. They were neither all-consuming nor controlling me. This awareness along with a recognition that thoughts, feelings are not facts, has allowed for a certain ease and an ability to carry them lightly rather than cling to them. In the very act of sitting, there are moments where I found spaciousness, greater attentiveness and an ability to let go. Maybe ‘doing things’ is my illusion of control. There is a time for engaging and participating and then there is a time to sit still and be. In these moments of solitude and stillness, I realised that adulting is about accepting that I can’t control everything — and trusting that if I stay aware and kind to myself, I’ll be alright. There is a softening and buoyancy in giving oneself permission to pause and sit still – but it’s a skill that requires lifelong practice
{{/usCountry}}Over the last two weeks, I kept the phone away, to just sit. It started with just ten or fifteen minutes in which time my monkey brain tried to convince me that maybe I should go for a quick walk, squeeze in some exercise, or reorganize my bookshelf instead. I tried to sit down and watch my thoughts, feelings without actively participating in them or trying to push them away. In the process, I noticed that even within that space, my mind kept trying to predict where my thoughts would go next, and how they would eventually resolve themselves. This would be followed invariably by a little inner voice telling me how distracted I am. In this time I also began to sense that thoughts and feelings, when watched without a desire to make them go away, change form and often slip away. It was a reminder of their impermanence. They were neither all-consuming nor controlling me. This awareness along with a recognition that thoughts, feelings are not facts, has allowed for a certain ease and an ability to carry them lightly rather than cling to them. In the very act of sitting, there are moments where I found spaciousness, greater attentiveness and an ability to let go. Maybe ‘doing things’ is my illusion of control. There is a time for engaging and participating and then there is a time to sit still and be. In these moments of solitude and stillness, I realised that adulting is about accepting that I can’t control everything — and trusting that if I stay aware and kind to myself, I’ll be alright. There is a softening and buoyancy in giving oneself permission to pause and sit still – but it’s a skill that requires lifelong practice
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Stay updated with all the Breaking News and Latest News from Mumbai. Click here for comprehensive coverage of top Cities including Bengaluru, Delhi, Hyderabad, and more across India along with Stay informed on the latest happenings in World News.