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Gen Z’s Reset: Commitment Over Casual Hook ups
The cohort that popularised ‘situationships’ and ‘nanoships’ is now repudiating both for companionship and commitment, writes Medha Shri Dahiya.
Actor Ananya Panday recently said she doesn’t believe in hook up culture. Actor Janhvi Kapoor has publicly derided situationships as “a very retarded concept”.
Bollywood’s Gen Z mirrors the mood on the ground.
This cohort is stepping off the casual-sex conveyor belt and ditching disposable dating for stability, companionship and connection.
This may shock the urban-internet imagination but Gen Z is looking for something more solid than a one-night stand. The numbers say so, and the voices on the ground confirm it.
The numbers no one expected
A Times survey comparing two decades of American dating behaviour found a U-turn in attitudes: Only 23% of Gen Z (18–27) said their friends commonly have one-night stands. Twenty years ago, 78% of millennials said yes to the same question. Match.com data shows 30% of American Gen Z singles are intentionally celibate.
Back in India, it’s no different. A survey by dating app QuackQuack reports that three in five Gen Z users want “deep emotional connection”. And Gen Z is more likely to seek long-term relationships and less likely to pursue casual sex than either millennials or Gen X. And this is happening in a country which became Tinder’s top Asia market in 2023.
“Contrary to what people believe, Gen Z is actually using dating apps for more than casual relationships and flings. There is a clear shift towards more meaningful and sustainable connections. In our survey, we found that almost three in five Gen Z daters want deeper and lasting emotional stability over an instant, fleeting spark. Many online matches evolve into not just offline relationships but also lasting friendships. Even though they are young, I would say it is clear that Gen Z is already moving towards a more intentional dating style that offers stability,” says Ravi Mittal, Founder & CEO, QuackQuack.
Exhaustion killing the fling thrill
The swiping burnout is real. “A few months ago, I had all the popular dating apps on my phone. And I swiped right without a thought. But now I am exhausted of the whole casual scene. It’s boring and unsettling and, honestly, toxic. I am right now, on a break. I'd rather I hung out with friends than deal with new drama everyday,” says Navdeep, a student of English literature.
Swiping is not sexy anymore
Many young adults say they are looking for something more meaningful, even if that means staying single for a while. “I have had enough hookups and casual flings to know that they are not for me. I used to think it was ideal for me because there was no baggage, no expectation from me. But then, I also have expectations and now I am probably maturing. So, I am out of the hookups. It does wreck my brain and focus,” says 22-year-old assistant producer from Mumbai.
Stability over ambiguity
Stability is sanity, say the most of the young adults I spoke to. “I have done enough dating apps to know that these dating games are exhausting. I am in a committed relationship right now and the first thing I told my girlfriend was that these nanoships and stuff are not for me. I told her I am only looking for a very intentional, committed relationship. She was like, I am relieved. Because she was also exhausted of the crazy dating world nonsense. Imagine the anxiety of not knowing exactly where you stand with the person, or constantly telling yourself you can't fall for this person. After a point, you do want someone special you an share your wins and challenges with. You need the warmth of knowing that there is someone out there and you are responsible for them,” says Ishanth Tyagi, a bachelor's of engineering student, Chandigarh.
Reverse catfishing, less heartbreak
Until now, filtered pictures and catfishing, meaning the practice of deceiving someone online by means of a fictional or assumed persona, especially with the aim of luring them into a relationship, was a norm. Gen Z is posting less flattering pictures of themselves to manage expectations. “If someone meets me after seeing my ugly picture, they are less pretentious. Also, isn't better to hear, ‘Oh! Your pictures don’t do justice to you, you are better looking in real life; than someone telling me i am photogenic or that my filtered photos were prettier and I am ugly in real life'? And the chance of getting rejected by them in real life is lower,” says Ayush Sharma, a software engineer interning in Gurugram.
For Mental health's sake
"I was once in a situationship once and it messed up my mental and emotional health. That was a one and only experience I had and it was enough to tell me it is not for me. It's traumatic. I am very sure, I only want a meaningful relationship. I want my mental health and I am ok to wait," says Yashita Kiroula, a recent graduate who lives in Delhi.
Dates ditch, friends are for keeps
“Instead of going on dating apps, I am going to baithaks, supper clubs and apps like Step Out World, where they match you up with like-minded people. Recently, I went for dinner with nine people, five women and four men. Afterwards, four of us went for ice cream. Now we have a WhatsApp group and we send each other memes and life updates. Oh! All four of us are women. I am happy to have real-life friends rather than toxic dates,” says Medhavi Sharma, a student of psychology.
Some are even going the arranged marriage route.
A lot of my friends and people around me have done casual hookups and situationships. My second-hand trauma seeing them has made me wise enough to tell my parents to look for a match for me. They are wiser than me and have more experience, I am sure they will find a better match for me than I can find one for myself. A lot of my friends are also going the arranged marriage route," says Harleen Kaur, who is in the final year of Master's of Technology.
Agrees Navdeep, “I will definietly have an arranged marriage. I am tired of the dating games.”
Raising the bar for relationships
"While critics often label Gen Z as the “lonely generation”, the reality in the therapy room tells a more nuanced story. They aren’t retreating from connection, in fact, they are raising the bar for it. This shift isn’t about a return to 1950s values, but a modern survival strategy. In a landscape of ‘ghosting’ and ‘situationships’, Gen Z has discovered that clarity is a form of self-care. They aren’t looking for a ‘ball and chain’. What they are looking for is a safe harbour. By prioritising long-term intent, they are effectively choosing emotional architecture over emotional ambiguity," observes psychatrist Dr Deepak Raheja.
From situationship burnout to ghosting fatigue and nanoship insecurity, the emotional trauma left behind is nudging young adults back towards the comfort and warmth of monogamous commitment. Gen Z is experiencing a cultural shift in the dating landscape.
