HT Image
HT Image

63% want to marry virgins, but majority approve of premarital sex

India’s young pay a heavy price for straddling both tradition and modernity. Deep-rooted habits stop them from practising what they preach.
By Jyoti Sharma Bawa | Hindustan Times, New Delhi
UPDATED ON SEP 03, 2015 07:40 PM IST

At 24, Indore’s Amit Trivedi hasn’t really taken too many decisions on his own ever. He decided to get a degree in MBA because that’s what all his seniors in school did.

Once he completed it, again, it didn’t take him much time to decide: he relocated to Delhi and has been working with a "multi-national" for a year now. But for this, not much has changed in Amit’s life. Back home, his parents are looking for a perfect match for him. As for him, Amit’s clear about what he wants: a well-educated, “presentable” girl from a good family. He also has one unspoken prerequisite — the girl must be a virgin. It is immaterial that Amit is not one himself.

Call it double standards, the cost of straddling a la-la land between tradition or modernity or just plain old hypocrisy, the fact is that the youth of urban India hardly practise what they preach. According to the HT-MaRS Youth Survey, an unprecedented 61% believe that premarital sex is no longer a taboo. Only, when it comes to marriage, 63% want their partners to be virgins. See: Rooted to traditions, casual sex remains a no-no

Delhi-based psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh explains, "While women are far more empowered today and ready to embrace their sexuality, the male mindset has hardly changed. The trope of the virginal bride still holds. Pre-marital sex and casual relationships have been de-stigmatised in the youths' minds but they are afraid of being found out. The guilt is not about the act itself, but the fear of being discovered."

The number of youngsters who accept that they are in relationship also varies with the affluence of the city they come from.

While their numbers are higher in cosmopolitan Delhi (67%), Mumbai (63%), Kolkata (67%) or Chandigarh (67%), a traditional Jaipur (28%), Indore (32%) and Chennai (35%) seems to have a stymieing effect. The national average is 49%.

And these are not they-lived-happily-ever-after relationships either. Only 24% of these 49% accept that they are "very much" in love with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

While Chandigarh youth top the chart when it comes to cheating (45%), Delhi is not far behind at 41%. Pune, where only 44% respondents accepted they were in a relationship, is at the bottom of the pile in terms of cheating on their significant other (25%). See: The cheat sheet

Says Mumbai-based sexologist Deepak Jumani, "Earlier, marriage was about finding the best mate in terms of financial security and social strata. Those rules are not applicable any more. Both men and women want to experiment and find compatibility in every sense — emotional, physical and sexual. Embarking on a relationship does not mean youngsters have marriage on their mind. Whether it is a one-night stand, a casual relationship or a live-in, commitment does not have to be on the agenda." See: The love metre

However, the dos and don'ts are far more hard-bound when it comes to the institution of marriage. Divorce is still not an option for 53% of youngsters and neither is casual sex while married. Only 11% feel it can be forgiven and 25% believe if a man strays, he should let his wife do that too. Out of this figure, 13% are male and 36% women. See: Extent of love

Delhi-based fine arts student Avneesh Murgai says, "Every relationship is different and you cannot say why people make the choices they make in a relationship. Having said that, marriage is commitment and the alpha male mindset where you can get away with anything is just not acceptable. We are westernised enough to indulge in a casual sexual encounter but still caught in the patriarchal time warp where we cannot entertain the idea of our wife/girlfriend ever being touched by another man." See: Some opinions

There were some positive takeaways from the survey too. The number of youngsters who believe homosexuality is an acceptable sexual preference stands at 43%, up from 37% last year. See: Homosexuality acceptable to 43% of India's youth

"Your sexuality is your personal choice. Nobody should be allowed to dictate whom you should love and why. Law and society needs to be changed to accommodate a very large percentage of people who are forced to live in the closet," says Yukti Arora, an 18-year-old Delhi University student.

Read: Young, conservative, traditional: Here's India's gen-next
Read: Times are changing: India's youth a mix of old and new
Read: Saving and splurging: What's on young consumers' minds
Read: Logged in generation next requires digital de-addiction
Read: India's youth reinterpreting God in a whole new way
Read: In politics, youth goes for content, not age or lineage
Read: India's young have set high targets to achieve that perfect life
Read: India's young turn to self-made icons known for their achievements

SHARE THIS ARTICLE ON
app
Close
Several files on Subhash Chandra Bose, previously held in state archives are now being made available on the internet. (File photo)
Several files on Subhash Chandra Bose, previously held in state archives are now being made available on the internet. (File photo)

Bihar govt puts classified files related to Subash Chandra Bose on internet

By Reena Sopam | Edited by Abhinav Sahay, Patna
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 02:06 PM IST
  • The directorate of state archives in Bihar, decided to upload the prized collection of documents and files related to Bose on the internet and dedicate him the page on his 125th birth anniversary.
Close
The plea added that the ATPMLA deals with "sensitive and crucial matters" pertaining to Prevention of Money Laundering Act (PMLA), Smugglers and Foreign Exchange Manipulators Act (SAFEMA), the Narcotic Drugs and Psychotropic Substances Act (NDPS), Foreign Exchange Management Act (FEMA) and the Prohibition Of Benami Property Transactions Act (PBPT).(HT Archive)
The plea added that the ATPMLA deals with "sensitive and crucial matters" pertaining to Prevention of Money Laundering Act (PMLA), Smugglers and Foreign Exchange Manipulators Act (SAFEMA), the Narcotic Drugs and Psychotropic Substances Act (NDPS), Foreign Exchange Management Act (FEMA) and the Prohibition Of Benami Property Transactions Act (PBPT).(HT Archive)

PIL seeking direction to govt to fill vacant ATPMLA posts filed in SC

PTI, New Delhi
UPDATED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:46 PM IST
The plea, filed on January 20 said there has been acute shortage of secretarial and other staffers in the tribunal, adversely impacting the functioning of the tribunal.
Close
India's active Covid-19 caseload continued to manifest a downward movement and dropped to 1,85,662 on Saturday.(REUTERS Photo/Representative)
India's active Covid-19 caseload continued to manifest a downward movement and dropped to 1,85,662 on Saturday.(REUTERS Photo/Representative)

Covid-19 vaccination: Nearly 14 lakh beneficiaries inoculated

PTI, New Delhi
UPDATED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:53 PM IST
The country's total caseload has mounted to 1,06,39,684 and the death toll due to the viral disease has climbed to 1,53,184 with 152 people succumbing to it in a span of 24 hours, the data showed.
Close
Congress leader Rahul Gandhi greets party workers in Tamil Nadu's Coimbatore on Saturday. (PTI)
Congress leader Rahul Gandhi greets party workers in Tamil Nadu's Coimbatore on Saturday. (PTI)

PM Modi has no respect for people, culture of Tamil Nadu: Rahul Gandhi

By HT Correspondent | Written by Meenakshi Ray, Chennai
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:30 PM IST
Rahul Gandhi also attacked the Centre over the three contentious agricultural laws, which have triggered a protest by farmers.
Close
The SEC called the gram panchayat elections 'historic', given the circumstances under which they were being held.(PTI/ File photo)
The SEC called the gram panchayat elections 'historic', given the circumstances under which they were being held.(PTI/ File photo)

Notification issued for gram panchayat elections in Andhra Pradesh

PTI
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:18 PM IST
In the first phase, gram panchayats under 146 revenue mandals in 11 districts will go to polls, according to the notification issued by State Election Commissioner Nimmagadda Ramesh Kumar.
Close
Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (DMK) Women's Wing Secretary Kanimozhi speaks during a day-long hunger strike in support of farmers protesting against the three farm laws, in Chennai,(PTI)
Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (DMK) Women's Wing Secretary Kanimozhi speaks during a day-long hunger strike in support of farmers protesting against the three farm laws, in Chennai,(PTI)

Lotus will not bloom in Tamil Nadu, says DMK leader Kanimozhi

ANI
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:10 PM IST
On BJP's poll strategy, she said, "No matter how many times BJP leaders come to Tamil Nadu, the lotus will not bloom."
Close
Petrol price in Delhi rose to <span class='webrupee'>₹</span>85.70 per litre and in Mumbai to <span class='webrupee'>₹</span>92.28.(Reuters file photo)
Petrol price in Delhi rose to 85.70 per litre and in Mumbai to 92.28.(Reuters file photo)

Petrol, diesel prices touch all-time highs

PTI, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:09 PM IST
This is the second consecutive day of rate increase and the fourth this week. In all prices have gone up by Re 1 per litre this week.
Close
BSF officials who found the secret tunnel say it appears to have been built by Pakistani military about 6 to 8 years ago(Sourced)
BSF officials who found the secret tunnel say it appears to have been built by Pakistani military about 6 to 8 years ago(Sourced)

Pak’s secret tunnel to push terrorists for 8 years in Jammu detected by BSF

UPDATED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:09 PM IST
  • It is important to detect all the cross-border tunnels on the Pakistan border because they nullify the impact of soldiers at the LoC blocking infiltration attempts
Close
West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee addresses media at her office Nabanna in Howrah.(ANI)
West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee addresses media at her office Nabanna in Howrah.(ANI)

Declare Netaji's birth anniversary national holiday: Mamata urges Centre

PTI
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 01:00 PM IST
"We are celebrating this day as #DeshNayakDibas. GoWB has also set up a committee to conduct year-long celebrations till January 23, 2022," Banerjee said on Twitter.
Close
A Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) leader said the workers were attacked by the Trinamool Congress' supporters. (ANI)
A Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) leader said the workers were attacked by the Trinamool Congress' supporters. (ANI)

BJP workers attacked by TMC supporters in Howrah

By hindustantimes.com | Written by Meenakshi Ray, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 12:59 PM IST
On January 18, a BJP worker was allegedly injured during the roadshow in Tollygunge.
Close
PM Narendra Modi virtually inaugurated the Agra metro project on Monday.(PTI file photo)
PM Narendra Modi virtually inaugurated the Agra metro project on Monday.(PTI file photo)

PM Modi gives 106,000 land certificates in 1st visit ahead of Assam polls

By Utpal Parashar, Guwahati
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 12:58 PM IST
  • Prime Minister Narendra Modi addressed a large gathering at Jerenga Pathar, a historic site where Joymoti, an Ahom princess, sacrificed her life in the 17th century.
Close
Former Rajasthan chief minister Vasundhara Raje is one of the 12 members of the core group.(PTI)
Former Rajasthan chief minister Vasundhara Raje is one of the 12 members of the core group.(PTI)

News updates from HT: Rajasthan BJP core group underlines efforts to bridge gap

By hindustantimes.com, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 12:52 PM IST
Here are today’s top news, analysis and opinion. Know all about the latest news and other news updates from Hindustan Times.
Close
Indian Farmers listen to their leader as they continue to block highway leading to Delhi in protest against new farm laws, at Delhi-Uttar Pradesh border, India, Friday, Jan. 22, 2021. Talks between protesting farmers’ leaders and the government ended abruptly in a stalemate on Friday with the agriculture minister saying he has nothing more to offer than suspending contentious agricultural laws for 18 months. The farmers’ organizations in a statement on Thursday said they can’t accept anything except the repeal of the three new laws. (AP Photo/Manish Swarup)(AP)
Indian Farmers listen to their leader as they continue to block highway leading to Delhi in protest against new farm laws, at Delhi-Uttar Pradesh border, India, Friday, Jan. 22, 2021. Talks between protesting farmers’ leaders and the government ended abruptly in a stalemate on Friday with the agriculture minister saying he has nothing more to offer than suspending contentious agricultural laws for 18 months. The farmers’ organizations in a statement on Thursday said they can’t accept anything except the repeal of the three new laws. (AP Photo/Manish Swarup)(AP)

Man handed over to Haryana police by farmer leaders being quizzed

PTI, New Delhi/chandigarh
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 12:30 PM IST
The farmer leaders claimed that they caught the man from the protest site at the Singhu border.
Close
Police said that the restrictions have been imposed as many people are likely to participate in Republic Day celebrations from Gautam Buddh Nagar.(Representational Photo)
Police said that the restrictions have been imposed as many people are likely to participate in Republic Day celebrations from Gautam Buddh Nagar.(Representational Photo)

Section 144 imposed in GB Nagar in view of safety concerns related to R- Day

ANI
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 12:28 PM IST
The order has been imposed in Gautam Budhh Nagar from January 22 to January 31. Any person found violating the above order will be booked under IPC Section 188.
Close
The vaccine wastage percentage in the state was 3.40%, officials said.(AFP)
The vaccine wastage percentage in the state was 3.40%, officials said.(AFP)

'True friend': US praises India for sending Covid-19 vaccines to other countries

By hindustantimes.com | Edited by Shivani
PUBLISHED ON JAN 23, 2021 12:26 PM IST
"We applaud India’s role in global health, sharing millions of doses of Covid-19 vaccine in South Asia," the state department tweeted.
Close
SHARE
Story Saved
OPEN APP