Dear Wife - Yoga is a very dangerous thing!
For the past few weeks, the Fake Jhunjhunwala has been twisting and bending for only one reason: to satisfy his wife (she wants him to do yoga, that's all. What did you think?). But Jhunjhunwala's doesn't believe in yoga - he wants to be a cuddlesome babe magnet all his life! What does he do now?india Updated: Sep 14, 2011 13:41 IST
For the past few months My Greatness has been subject to very irritating, muscle pulling and soul itching torture. Portraits of great investors such as MYSELF, George Soros, John Templeton and Warren Buffett have been replaced by Yoga Guru Baba Ramdev, Sri Sri Ravishankar and that female who teaches aerobics to the Miss India contestants but whose name I do not remember. The only reason I am tolerating these figures looming in my Nariman Point office is because they have been installed there by my wife Rekha and this therefore poses a tricky dilemma.
Rekha is a woman I cannot afford to piss off. Not only is she my darling wife but also the chief custodian of the kitchen. Having those paintings removed would immediately jeopardize any chances I have of eating a meal at home :-/
Now the reason Rekha has done this is to "inspire" me into a state of exercise and fitness. Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that my idea of fitness is to be FAT. Therefore FITNESS IS FATNESS. That right there is my exercise mantra.
I have concentrated my efforts thus far to be as fat and FLUFFY as possible and I stay in shape by following a daily well balanced diet of high cholesterol fried stuff and alcohol.
It works beautifully. I love it and the ladies simply can't get enough of it. They lust after my 6 pack abs cushioned underneath protective layers of fat tissue. It makes me Oh So Cuddly! Like a Teddy Bear and all the females simply want to cuddle me and never let go!!
I'm a cuddlesome babe magnet whom my wife absolutely loves to wrap her arms around and hug as tight as possible which is why it is frustrating that she of all people has forced me to do YOGA.
Apparently to my wife, my diabetes needs to be controlled and Yoga is one way to do that. This is why she has hauled me off to Yoga class and planted paintings of Yoga Gurus and fitness people all across my office.
In the meantime Yoga has convinced me that it is a very dangerous thing. I now realize why the government has such a problem with Baba Ramdev. This Yoga thing is making me do funny shapes with my body and I have discovered that the body is simply not designed to bend in certain ways!!
I think I ought to send my wife away on vacation for the next few weeks. Perhaps some place like Paris or Spain or Morocco. That way she's out of my hair and by the time she comes back I can get LIPOSUCTION done on myself so that I look thinner and thus lead the Mrs. to believe that Yoga has had the desired effect.
Then she'll take down all those paintings. I won't have to do Yoga everyday anymore and I can get back to eating my favorite foods.
The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.
His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/
He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala
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First Published: Sep 07, 2011 13:26 IST