Jealousy: How much is too much

Published on Jan 03, 2021 04:02 PM IST

From envying a friend’s staycation to being jelly that your co-worker got the opportunity that you were eyeing, examples of jealousy are perfectly normal — though not always healthy. And the same goes for relationships: It’s pointless to pretend that being in a happy relationship is synonymous with the absence of jealousy.

Hindustan Times | BySwati Chaturvedi

As mortals of this world, we all feel twinges of jealousy on a daily basis. From envying a friend’s staycation to being jelly that your co-worker got the opportunity that you were eyeing, examples of jealousy are perfectly normal — though not always healthy. And the same goes for relationships: It’s pointless to pretend that being in a happy relationship is synonymous with the absence of jealousy.

A little bit of jealousy in a healthy relationship is fine. It’s an emotion that would wake you up and remind you that your mate is attractive and that you’re lucky, also it would stimulate you to be nicer and friendlier. So how much jealousy is too much?

Dr Chandni Tugnait, Psychotherapist and Healer says, “If it is intruding one’s boundaries, suffocating, leading to emotional and mental drainage, etc. then it is clearly not serving a relationship and is no more adding to the thrill of being in love.”

In a relationship, jealousy can just mean there’s something you need to communicate to your partner about your insecurities, needs,boundaries, and desires.

Kanika Khosla, psychologist, says, “Part of the reason jealousy causes us to feel so uncomfortable is that we typically think of it as a toxic and unhealthy emotion—something to rid ourselves of ASAP. So we add on a layer of self-blame or even a layer of fatality (i.e., if there’s jealousy in the relationship, it must be doomed). Yet thinking this way is precisely what makes jealousy feel insurmountable, even though negative emotions are a totally normal thing to feel.”

Dr Chandni, adds, “The antidote to this is to practise gratitude and compassion. The more we are grateful for what we have, we create things that we would like to have. The more we crib and complain owing to our jealousy, the more issues crop up in our lives. This is how energy works and this is how our subconscious plays out to create our reality. Remember we are always one decision away from a completely different life.”

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